Page 48 - The Intentional Parent

You should not be using the play date itself as a “test” of whether Joey is mature and responsible enough for the situation.
This is hard for parents, because (1) they want to trust their kids; and (2) they don’t want their kids to argue, whine and complain because they are being prevented from doing the things they want to do.
We have been talking about intentions. Is “I want to trust my kids,” a worthwhile intention? That would only be a worthwhile intention if your children have shown you over and over that they should be trusted and you refuse to let them gain the autonomy they have earned.
“I will to be patient enough to allow my children to show me I can trust them,” is a better intention and is more in line with the natural progression of allowing children to earn freedom and autonomy.
Now let’s look at it from a leadership perspective. If you permit your kids to influence your decision making by being repetitive, whiney, guilt inducing or aggressive who is leading the agenda? This is bad precedent because once you allow your kids to take control of what should be your decision making, they will be insulted when you try to reinstate your authority.
It is better to stay strict and have your children be angry with you for making a decision, than it is to reinforce a transfer of leadership to them. The worst mistake you can make by being too careful about when to let your children experience more freedom is that your kids will have to do a bit more to show they deserve the autonomy they seek.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 48