Page 50 - The Intentional Parent

sandbagged by a last minute request, which turns into a last minute argument, which creates aggravation for you and permission given begrudgingly because you don’t want the conf lict.
You can prevent this in large part by communicating well in advance that “last minute permission..”
1.Is always going to be more difficult for you to grant
2.Almost never given at all when it is clear that the request could
have been made much sooner
3.Is always going to be judged on the basis of recent responsibility
taking behavior.
Emphasizing these issues should be a part of your every day discussions about the quality of your child’s decision making. In other words, your child should be well aware before he or she asks for anything that you are going to make your decision based on what he or she has done lately, and that permission for anything is not going to be doled out simply because it is asked for. This includes if the child asks in the nicest possible way. Often parents emphasize “asking nicely,” and I think it is important for children to be polite when asking for something but asking nicely is not the pivotal concept -- it is merely a “required add on.” When parents say, “I will let you do it because you asked politely,” they are emphasizing the less important concept.
Parents need to consider their every day interactions with their children around areas of responsibility taking and acknowledge that responsibility “in the moment.”
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 50