Page 52 - The Intentional Parent

I am much more responsive to people telling me what I can do, as opposed to being told what I can’t do.
Be mindful of this as your children become older and more prone to arguing with you and attacking your logic. Teens, especially, hate being told they can’t do something, so tell them they can, with the qualifier “so long as you show me...”
Arguments with kids become much shorter when you cut off their avenue of criticism which begins with “You never let me do anything.” Instead of being the perpetual naysayer, you can be the perpetual incentivizer!
Up and Down the Developmental Ladder
Most people know the latin term, quid pro quo, which is a fancy way of saying, “you do for me, I do for you.” Your leadership position in the family will not rely on this type of exchange because your children might not be mature enough to understand an exchange of equal value and might argue, as if to say in a ridiculous example, “Okay, I will do my homework and you will let me drive the family car around the neighborhood after midnight (at eight years old).” The last thing parents should have to deal with is “constant negotiation.”
Instead, think of your interaction with your children as more consistent with the model of sine qua non, or in English, “I will do this for you but first you have to do this for me.”
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 52