Page 96 - The Intentional Parent

interact less with their fathers than they do with their mothers. Sure fathers are perceived as more aggressive, more stern and less predictable, but I don’t think any of those things matter as much as the fact that in families where the roles are more traditional, kids get more practice ignoring their mothers. Some research suggests that women speak more words than men. The data are unclear and arguments abound. However, for the sake of this discussion let’s say that whether you are a man or a woman if you use too many words you run the risk of losing the attention of your kids, and it is very hard to lead a person who is not paying attention to you.
There are a lot of reasons why parents talk too much to kids, but I think an important one is lack of confidence. Parents don’t believe that they have the ability to influence their children, so they overcommunicate.
Don’t get overcommunication confused with repetitiveness. I think a moderate amount of repetitiveness is good. (Everything can be overdone.) It’s long windedness that loses kids, frustrates them and encourages them to space out.
If you have a child who has an attention issue, that makes efficient, effective communication that much more important.
It has been my experience with parents and children that effective communication can also be hampered by lectures that are too “loving”, “supportive,” and “feeling expressive.” Don’t I sound horrible? Let me redeem myself. There is a place for loving, affectionate, emotional talk -- but not when you are trying to get kids to do things they don’t want to do, and it is my position that at least half of all parenting revolves around parents telling kids to do things they don’t want to do. If your child is an easy to manage,
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