Page 41 - 200710 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - October 2007

WEIRD NEWS 41 WEIRD NEWS 41 The King of Porn? Haven't We Learned Not To Get Problem is there are too many takers and some Lover's Tattoos? of the locals don't like it. Owner Leigh Turner Back in 2000, 57-year-old Ralph Whittington says they get two or three a week. But retired as the curator of the main reading room Didn't Angina Jolie teach us anything? Haven't complaints from other patrons have now at the Library of Congress. However, Ralph's we learned not to get tattoos of our current prompted Town Manager John Simko to love of indexing and categorizing has also lover's names or likenesses? In South Wales, 38- reconsider renewing the establishment's liquor earned him the nickname "King of Porn"! He year-old Alan Jenkins spent 20 hours under the license. To the Black Frog's credit-- the skinny recently sold his private collection -- 500 boxes needle to celebrate 15 happy years with dip was typically done at night, no frontal worth -- to the Museum of Sex in New York common law wife Lisa Crooks. He had a giant nudity was exposed to customers and a towel City. Prior to the sale, Ralph's home, which he picture of her face tattooed on his back. Then he was readily available. Turner said, "Most shares with his mother because, big surprise-- found out she was having an affair with a everybody applauds." Oh come on -- that's his wife left him-- was "packed to the rafters." coworker 10 years her junior-- and she plans to funny! Why is America so uptight? The museum's buyer told The Washington Post, move in with the younger man. Alan, who spent (myway.com) "Downstairs, you had to walk sideways to get over $1,700 bucks on the tat said, "She'll be on through the rooms." His mother said, "It's my back forever, thanks to the tattoo. It was my A Long Way To Go For $200K something he loves. You see men his age going way of telling her our love would last forever." to bars or on dope. But he was home day and Lisa said, "I never wanted Alan to have my face In Mobile, Alabama, 42-year-old Michael night indexing and cross-referencing. That gave tattooed on his back in the first place. I didn't Crocker told police assailants attacked him and me peace of mind." (Washington Post) plan to fall in love with someone else, it just cut out his tongue! In truth, police believe he cut happened." (Ananova) out his own tongue and has now been charged How Not to Raise Your Child with stealing $200,000 from his employer, Don't Give Police Officers Wet Vulcan Industries! Crocker reported the tongue- In Wilmington, North Carolina, Dennis and Willies! cutting after his neighbor, Stephen Perret, was Betty Hager recently filed a lawsuit against the found shot to death on August 17. So Michael's school system for causing them emotional pain also a suspect in that case. Perret was a plant because they say the school did nothing to stop In Bartlesville, Oklahoma, 38-year-old Louis manager at Vulcan Industries in Mount Vernon the love affair between their 16-year-old Carlos Perales found out the hard way that and was also a neighbor and co-worker of daughter and the school's married, 40-year-old giving a police officer a "wet willie" after being Crocker. Based on forensics reports, track coach. However, in a bizarre twist, the arrested is just not a good idea. And just so we're investigators believe Crocker falsified his story Hagers have signed a form-- to satisfy state law- clear -- we're talking about putting his finger in of the attack and, in fact, cut his own tongue out. - to allow their daughter to marry the coach. his mouth, and then sticking it in the officer's That's got to really hurt! (myway.com) (WNYW-TV News) ear -- the classic "wet willie." That got Louis an additional charge of assault and battery on a And the Lawsuits Keep A Stolen Donut May Cost Man 30 police officer. He had been initially arrested for Comin'! threats to kill and public intoxication. (News Years! Examiner Enterprise) In Pittsburgh, Mary Bach claims Kmart has The Country Mart in Farmington, Missouri is Littering Saves Man's Life done her wrong! She claims they collected a 7% used to shoplifters. Usually it's cold medicines state sales tax on a nontaxable item -- in this and packaged meats. They used to steal Tsuyoshi Kurosawa is a 28-year-old crewman case-- a 12-pack of toilet paper. So she was cigarettes, too, until tobacco was moved behind on the huge Japanese tanker Sakura Maru -- and charged $4.27 for the item rather than the proper the counter. But folks stealing doughnuts has he is a man who is very happy that people litter. charge of $3.99. Under Pennsylvania's sales tax never really been a problem. But then 41-year- After falling overboard without a life jacket, he code, toilet tissue is listed as a nontaxable item. old Scott A. Masters came in and allegedly stole survived a night at sea clinging to an empty So what does she figures this big inconvenience a donut -- a single doughnut. But police are plastic bottle he found drifting by! The 3-liter is worth? As much as she can get -- which in calling it a strong-arm robbery because he plastic bottle helped keep him afloat for ten this case is just $100 plus court costs per the allegedly pushed a store worker who tried to hours until finally being spotted by the Coast state's Unfair Trade Practices and Consumer stop him. The worker was unhurt. But with that Guard. Other than being cold, Tsuyoshi had no Protection Law. Under the law, plaintiffs can shove, his shoplifting turned into a "violent other injuries. (Yahoo News) sue for the amount of the damages or $100, crime." This proved to be a very bad move for whichever is greater. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Mr. Masters because due to the fact that he has Dumb Ass Down Under been arrested more than a dozen times Texan Not Guilty of Sherry previously, he could be sentenced to 30 Enema Death! YEARS! It's all the tiny town of 14,000 is Just to show you every country has it's share of talking about. (St. Louis Today) loony tunes, 42-year-old Stephen Peterson went In Texas, charges have been dropped against back to court in Sydney, Australia, to challenge World Porridge Championship the "not guilty/insanity" decision the courts had Tammy Jean Warner who had been accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed ruled against him nearly 10 years ago. Stephen was under the impression that he should have him! Brazoria County District Attorney Jeri The owner of a Scottish Inn has won the annual been allowed to call as defense witnesses Yenne said the charges were dismissed for lack world porridge-making championships. A dozen certain "higher beings" who had ordered him to of evidence. Yenne said, the dead man had had cooks from around the world gathered in beat his victim to death. Those "higher beings" "a severe alcohol issue" and it was not clear his Carrbridge, Scotland for the contest. Judges included the "sun god," Spacedust, and the wife had committed a crime. Tammy Jean did graded the entrants on their porridge's "plasma being," Kadec. The court turned him admit to administering the enema but denied she appearance, consistency and taste. The winner down. (Fairfax Media) caused the death of her husband. Honey -- can of the coveted Golden Spurtle, (or spoon), was you bring me a sherry? (Yahoo News) Maria Soep. She said her secret was a special No More Naked Lunch? batch of pinhead oats bought on Scotland's west Having some idea of what is going to happen in coast. 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