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5 Reasons Why Angels are Nonsense 49

5 Reasons Why Angels are

Nonsense – Even for

Christians

Continued from Page 48

2. Hitmen

In the Hebrew version of the story, angels
supposedly were responsible for the Assyrians
being ravaged during the siege of Jerusalem
around 700 B.C. (2 Kings 19:20-24). An angel
was sent to destroy Jerusalem because David
ordered a census of the people, but god really
hates a good census. God called him back at the
last minute (2 Samuel 24). And of course, angels
were responsible for the murder of the Egyptian
first born after god hardened Pharaoh’s heart
(Exodus 11:1-12). This last murderous rampage fun instead once the sacrificial altar was gone? a kid. They are ALWAYS beside you, just like
in the Hebrew Bible is actually being done by Maybe he discovered the joys of marijuana or god in his omnipresent form. So think about it,
YHWH himself, but Christians and later opium instead of sniffing the smoke of burning you have god and at least one angel beside you
translations have sometimes added a proxy in goat and wheat? at all times. They are there for every instance of
the form of the “angel of death.” Winged angels Any if you have a host of sword wielding defecation, fornication, masturbation,
with flaming swords guard the entrance to the thugs at your service, what about sending a regurgitation, expectoration, urination, and of
Garden of Eden like supernatural bouncers so winged angel with a flaming sword to guard course every male’s favorites burping and
humans can’t sneak back in (Genesis 3:23-24). from the rapacious Germans the mass of naked, passing gas.
Angels always seem to have swords, never a cowering Jews about to be gassed in an
Bushmaster, Glock 9mm, or AK-47s, not to extermination camp? How about the Cathars and (Continued on Page 51)
mention “swords of light” – as in Jedi Huguenots massacred by the French Catholics?
lightsabers, or even a muzzle loader. And there YHWH will spare an angel to guard a garden, REALITY RADIO AND TV IS
is no indication that they know kung-fu, Eden, but he lets his chosen people get gassed FOUND ONLY ON XZBN RADIO
although they may wrestle as in Genesis 32:22- like cockroaches or termites in an infested AND XZBN TV
32. I think that the clear language of the text says house? YHWH seems to spend more time
Jacob/Israel is wrestling with YHWH, but many beating up on his own people than he does THE ‘X’ ZONE RADIO / TV SHOW
believers can’t seem to swallow this, and protecting them with his bully boy angels. And with
contrive ways to claim the text is really then you have the bloodbath of the American ROB McCONNELL
referencing an angel – but they can’t defeat a Civil War, where each side claimed to have god L*I*V*E Mon - Fri
human except by grabbing his genitals. Many on its side. So why not send a sword wielding on SimulTV
translations miss the typical euphemistic angel to one side, just to make it clear where god
reference (see comment on Genesis 32:25). stands on slavery?
There are a number of other similar references, Be that as it may, Christians and Jews
as the Hebrews seemed to have some hang-ups consider god to be omnipotent, so he basically
about talking about men’s genitals except when controls the life and death of everything. So
it comes to cutting off the top bit. what are the enforcer angels doing then? If god
So, god doesn’t always want to take the wants you to die, does he send an angel every
blame/praise for his killings, so he sends his hit time, to each one of us? And what is the point?
men. Who is he kidding? Does he think people If he wants you dead, you die, right? Does he
won’t blame him because the angels did it? He really need some guy with wings and a healthy www.
wiped out all humanity except one inbreeding sexual appetite for human women with
family with a flood, but can’t get his hands dirty fashionable hairstyles to fly down from heaven SimulTV.
with some thuggish Assyrians? He sends the and do you in with his sword? I would note that
Babylonians to punish the Judeans and take their there is a real shortage of “death by sword .com
leaders into exile. He sends the Romans to stroke” cases in the world,. Either the angels are
punish the Jews and destroy their temple to not so active or else they have swapped the
YHWH, but won’t do it himself? Destroying the sword in for something more applicable, like a
temple seems like ruining his own fun, since biological weapons kit, which would help
YHWH loves the smell of burning dead animals explain the Black Death and the Spanish Flu.
and grains (hold the yeast) and the sprinkling of Again, if god does control the world and has
blood around the altar. I wonder what he did for your life in his hands, why send an angel with a
sword? People die in millions of different ways,
THE ‘X’ ZONE TV CHANNEL but sword wounds do not appear to be one of the
Is Coming To SimulTV more frequent nowadays. Yet even modern
visionaries of heaven claim that angels are still
keeping their flaming swords (see “Heaven is
for Real” by Todd Burpo and Lynn Vincent).

3. Guardians

These sorts of angels are not in the Testaments,
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
but they are very popular in the imaginations of
with KEVIN RANDLE
believers. These are the angels I tried to touch as
www.simultv.com www.XZBN.net