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TEACHINGS | EASTERN HORIZON 23

to spend time with family (perhaps missing family people who only need to sleep three hours and achieve
gatherings, shorter family vacations, more interruptions great things plus have a full family life, people who are
in our time at home, etc.). Are we clearly aware of the so devoted to their calling that they can work nonstop
ramifications of our decisions? Very often, they may but they fail to mention that they were biologically
not be obvious, especially if we do not allow ourselves unusual with excessive energy that allowed them to do
to pay attention. If we reduce the amount of time spent so much with very little sleep, etc. We need to recognize
with family members, our relationships with them will the appeal of these messages in our culture–that
not be as close as if we spent more time with them. It “everything is possible if we put our mind to it.” While
is also not just the amount of time but the quality of it. it is true theoretically, each person should reassess what
Are we distracted by our work when we are spending is possible based on their unique circumstances. This
time with our family members? I know some kids who requires understanding and fully accepting our own
feel closer to their uncle who spent quality time with limitations as well as recognizing our strengths.
them than to their father who was usually looking at
his phone when “spending time” with his kids. We may Are we able to accept that we are ordinary people,
also be secretly wishing that members of our family not super human? Accepting our ordinariness is
would still feel really close to us even though we never no ordinary task and is recognized as an important
have time for them. Are we aware that we may be achievement in Chan practice. After an honest
entertaining these thoughts, secretly hoping that we can reflection of our values and priorities, strengths and
be exempt from the law of cause and effect? Reminding limitations, we will have a clearer sense of the general
ourselves to investigate our thoughts and feelings helps direction of our life. This clarity can guide us through
shed light on them, and if we are honest with ourselves, life, as we adapt to changing circumstances and take
it will become clear that we need to re-examine our advantage of emerging opportunities and still stay true
priorities, values and choices. to ourselves without losing our way.

Of course, it goes the other way around as well. When It is, therefore, important to have time to ourselves so
we decide to devote more time to the family, less time that we can have the opportunity to see into our mind.
goes to our work. We can work more efficiently, have In these periods of self-reflection, we take an honest
better time management, sleep less, but we may still look at what we are actually doing and ask ourselves
find that we are slower in generating the same result if we know what we are choosing. We ask if we are
compared to our colleagues who put more time into making the right choices for ourselves, amidst the
their work. Can we accept the fact that our decision unfolding causes and conditions, rather than merely
may mean putting our career on a slower track, which fulfilling other people’s wishes. This takes courage.
perhaps also means that our house or cars or vacations Being true to ourselves is not being disrespectful to
will not be as fancy as the ones our more career- or dismissive of others, but thinking hard and long
oriented friends/siblings have? Without clarity about about our choices and taking full responsibilities for
what we are actually choosing and the consequences, the consequences of our decisions. When we live
we may accumulate resentment, disappointment and authentically, we make a difference just by being
frustration in our heart without even knowing it. One ourselves whatever we do. EH
can end up feeling very angry, bitter or regretful in later
life without knowing why.

Accepting the ramifications of our choices is not as easy
as it may sound. It is easy to fantasize about the best
case scenario or to have an unrealistic estimate of our
ability to achieve the impossible, especially if we read
a lot about the life stories of highly unusual people–eg.