Page 166 - The World's Best Boyfriend

first was a defensive move and Aranya didn’t play defensive. She reminded
herself of the twenty-three trophies she had won in debates in the last decade,
shredding her opposition to pieces, making them crawl on to her side, and she

felt the anger rise and gust through her veins. She saw Dhruv sitting on the last
bench, feet propped up, without a care in the world.
The tears were gone. Aranya’s split personality took over. Like a manic

werewolf she tore through her sobs and bared her canines. She walked to the
teacher’s table and wrote in bold letters on the blackboard and underlined it—
PROF. RAGHUVIR IS HOT.

She sat on the teacher’s table. She often leaned over the podium to show how
relaxed she was. She had ten simple rules. She pointed at what was written on
the board.

Debating Rule No. 1: Start with a fact and hook your audience with a
question.
‘Let’s not pretend otherwise, right? He’s hot. And let’s start the conversation

with a fact. Nothing happened between Raghuvir and me, and I regret it. Let me
tell you why.’
She had the attention of the class now.

Debating Rule No. 2: Flood the opposition with facts that may or may not
matter. Make them feel underprepared and like a congress of baboons.

‘At thirteen years of age, Rahguvir made a high-powered telescope and found
three asteroids, all named after him. At fourteen, he completed his Bachelor’s of
Engineering from MIT and filed eighteen patents and sold thirteen of them. At
seventeen, he completed his Master’s of Engineering in nuclear physics from

MIT and filed thirty-three patents. At nineteen, he was part of the team in France
that successfully executed the first controlled fusion reaction.’

Debating Rule No. 3: Act like a judge, not a participant. Make the audience
feel like dirt.
‘At nineteen, you’re still sleeping on month-old bed sheets and masturbating
to Sunny Leone and asking your parents to pay for your cigarettes. You dress

like you’re homeless and you dare to talk about a girl who has beaten you in
mid-semesters by a mile. You are students who shake in fear when he walks

inside the class knowing that he was better than you can ever be when he was
younger than you. And look at you!’