Page 291 - The World's Best Boyfriend

In the past month, I have come to realize that I would probably not fall in love
with anyone else after being in love with you for years. And how can I? You’re
after all the only girl who shows me my place, who makes me feel like dirt,
badgers my armour and other phrases that you will know better because of your

untarnished kill record.
I have always been vain and superficial. That part of me is not going

anywhere. I will always look at you and think—she could have been thinner and
hotter. But I think that has more to do with what you did to me than anything
else. I don’t think I really care about how you look at all. Cursing you, telling
you how ugly you are is just my coping mechanism, I think. You look fine to me

and I say fuck you to the people to whom you don’t.
And then there’s this other part of me that’s in love with you. I would use

fancy words but I know none. It’s like you’re my corner of the world. I can come
to you and feel safe. I can shed my masculinity, curl up next to you and feel
sheltered. I can be the little Dhruv again. For all these years, I have hated
myself for being in love with you, the girl who destroyed my only chance at love.

And in the process I have hated you. But in that hatred, you have always been
alive in my heart. You have always been there, Aranya. What wouldn’t I give to

be loved by you again, to love you, to protect you and be protected, to have my
heart broken by you again, to feel alive!
I don’t know where to go from here. Should I come crawling to you, beg

mercy, and snatch you away from Raghuvir? I could do that. It’s within my
power, I think. You wouldn’t have mailed me if that window was completely shut.
Beneath all that hatred you have for me, I’m sure there’s a little bit of love left

yet, something I can exploit to my and our advantage.
But then, I find myself thinking, should I do that or not? Because what if you
do find the love and the courage to be with me? Will we be great together? What

if it all breaks down and goes to shit? Wouldn’t that be a tragedy? Don’t you
think the current scheme of events works better for both of us?
You stay with Raghuvir and build a new life and I stay away from you and find

it in my heart to hate you enough to not think about you any more.
I don’t think I can do this to you, Aranya. Being right is a hard thing to do.
But seems like it’s what I’m going to do this time.

Best of luck for your life.