Page 82 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]

Any lazy people in the crowd?

The crowd goes ‘wohooo’ and almost 20 people raise their hands.
Oh. Ugh … You guys have too much energy to be called lazy. Shame on
you. You disgust me. Booo booo. Haha.

Shame! (There is a sound of a gong behind me.) Shame! (The gong
sounds again.) Shame! (And again.)

Hehehe.
I am legitimately lazy. I can even get that notarized. I don’t work or even
move if it’s not important. I would not have come here if I hadn’t lost a toss
to Uncle Ricky. Cheers to him, he is my mentor. The crowd breaks into
whispers.

I also do that flower thing people do in movies. He loves me, he loves me
not. But mine, instead, is: should I move today, should I not? I giggle.

This is not even a phase of life. It’s just me. Like in college, I could have
topped my Math classes. But I got straight Cs. Because I wrote exactly
enough to pass and not a sentence more.
I could have been some big shot corporate suit by now. But that’s too

much work. Like fuck that, I would prefer being poor but satisfied.
I love being single too. This statement is the Gayatri Mantra of all single
people. It’s just dope. No one to nag. No one sitting on your ass all the time.

My tone suddenly takes a condescending turn. Do this. Don’t do that . You
have done that wrong. It should have been this way. No, you can’t have that
much candy. No you cannot deep fry cheese-dipped extra-cheese cheese
burger. What are you, a 12-year-old?
Life is too short. And I want to be a 12-year-old. Even when my school

teachers asked me what I wanted to be when I grow old, any guesses? I
said, a-12 year-old.
Laughter erupts through the crowd. She wasn’t amused. She thought I

wanted to HAVE a 12-year-old … which I now think is a dope idea. I think I
should adopt a kid. It would be like getting an intern for life. For life, I say.
It’s like free labour. I have to provide him what, the basic necessities. He
would clean the house, do the dishes. He would be like my personal
Cinderella who would never find her prince.

What? Hahaha. He would be grateful that I saved him from the hole I
picked him up from. The abortion, I mean, adoption clinic. I don’t know