Page 105 - In Five Years

dress with an oversize white cotton sweater tied at the waist. Her hair is wild.
She is glowing. She looks beautiful, radiant. Like a goddess.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, but I’ve just never felt particularly drawn to
motherhood. Babies don’t make me coo and weaken, and I’ve never experienced

any sort of biological clock about my reproductive window. I think David would
be a good father, and that we’ll probably go ahead and have kids one day, but

when I think about that future picture, us with a child, I often come up blank.
“When is your doctor’s appointment?” I ask her.
Bella holds up a little yellow-and-white-polka-dot jumper. “Do you think this
is gender neutral?”

I shrug.
“The baby will be here in the spring, so we’ll need some long-sleeved stuff.

She hands me the jumper and pulls two off-white cable-knit sweaters from the
table in different sizes.
“How is Aaron?” I ask.

She smiles dreamily. “He’s great; he’s excited. I mean it’s sudden, of course,
but he seems really happy. We’re not twenty-five anymore.”
“Right,” I say. “Are you guys going to get married?”

Bella rolls her eyes and hands me a pair of socks with tiny anchors on them.
“Don’t be so obvious,” she says.
“You’re having a baby; it’s a legitimate question.”

She turns to me. Her whole body focused now. “We haven’t even discussed it.
This seems like enough for now.”
“So when’s the doctor?” I ask, switching gears. “I want to see that sonogram

pic.”
Bella smiles. “Next week. They said not to rush coming in. When it’s this
early, there isn’t much to do anyway.”

“But shop,” I say. My arms are full of small items now. I shuffle toward the
register counter.
“I think it’s a girl,” Bella says.

I have an image of her, sitting in a rocking chair, holding an infant wrapped in
a soft pink blanket.
“A girl would be great,” I say.