Page 194 - In Five Years

Chapter Thirty-Eight

It happens quickly and then slowly. We plummet fast, and then we exist at the
bottom of the ocean for eight days, an impossible amount of time to breathe only
water.

Bella stops treatment. Dr. Shaw speaks to us; he tells us what we already
know, what we have seen up close with our own eyes—that there is no point
anymore, that it is making her sicker, that she needs to be home. He is calm and

collected, and I hate him, I want to ram him into the wall. I want to scream at
him. I need someone to blame, someone to be responsible for all of this. Because
who is? Fate? Is the hellscape we’ve found ourselves in the work of some form

of divine intervention? What kind of monster has decided that this is the ending
we deserve? That she does?
It moves upward, to her lungs. She ends up in the hospital. They remove the

fluid. They send her home. She can barely breathe.
Jill isn’t there. She’s staying at a hotel in Times Square, and on Friday I find

myself putting on my boots and coat and leaving Bella and Aaron alone in the
apartment. I truck up to Midtown, through the lights of Broadway—all those
people. They’re about to go to the theater, see a show. Maybe this is a
celebratory night. A promotion, a trip to the city. They’re splurging on a feel-

good musical or the latest celebrity play. They live in a different realm. We do
not meet. We do not see one another anymore.

I find her at the W Hotel bar. I hadn’t really known my plan, what I was going
to do once I got there—call her cell? Demand her room number? But no further
steps are necessary. She’s sitting in the lobby, a vodka martini in front of her.
I know it’s vodka because it’s what Bella drinks. Jill used to let us have sips

of hers when we were very young, and then make them for us later, when we