Page 57 - 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself

them. Once I systematically began to do that, I was able to dismantle those fears,

as a bomb squad dismantles a bomb. Acceptance and full consciousness of those
fears—and the self-sabotaging behavior they led to—was “the place I had never
been.” Once I was in that place, I could leave.

The notion that “no one is coming” was somehow terrifying to accept. The
idea that no one was going to rescue me from my circumstances is an idea that I
might never have accepted. That idea sounded too much like the final
abandonment. It contradicted all my childhood self-programming. (Many of us,
even as grown-ups, devise very elaborate and subtle variations on the “I want my
mommy” theme.) The Brandens showed me that I could be much happier and
more effective if I valued independence and self-responsibility above
dependency on someone else. When you accept the idea that “no one is coming”
it is actually a very powerful moment, because it means that you are enough. No

one needs to come. You can handle your problems yourself. You are, in a larger
sense, appropriate to life. You can grow and get strong and generate your own
happiness. And paradoxically, from that position of independence, truly great
relationships can be built, because they aren’t based on dependency and fear.
They are based on mutual independence and love.

Once, in a group therapy session, a client of Dr. Branden’s challenged him
on his principle that “no one is coming.” “But Nathaniel,” the client said, “it’s
not true. You came!”

“Correct,” admitted Dr. Branden, “but I came to say that no one is coming.”

40. Find your soul purpose

How do you know what your true life is? Or what your soul’s purpose is?
How do you know how to live this purpose? The answers to these questions are
yours for the taking, but you must seize the answers and not wait to be given

them. No one will give you the answers.

One good clue as to whether you are living your true life is how much you
fear death. Do you fear death a lot, just a little, or not at all?

“When you say you fear death,” wrote David Viscott, “you are really saying
that you fear you have not lived your true life. This fear cloaks the world in
silent suffering.” When mythologist Joseph Campbell recommended that we
“follow our bliss,” many people misunderstood him. They thought he meant to