Page 12 - foodservice magazine April 2019
P. 12

12
RANT
Anthony Huckstep is the national restaurant critic for delicious. and a food writer for The Australian, GQ Australia and QANTAS Magazine.
Whenyou’rean opinion columnist, you’re seen as something of psychic. Sure, it’s my job to know what’s going on, but predicting the future of our food culture is like sitting through an entire episode of My Kitchen Rules: impossible.
I know I may wear mostly black and have a long-ish, grey-ish beard, but I’m definitely no Nostradamus. Nevertheless, at the start of every year I get out my crystal ball and give it a damn good rub.
Of course the problem with food trends is that unless you’re part of its inception, you’re too late to the party.
Now, if I were a real psychic, I wouldn’t be ranting for a living. So rather than pulling a few pearlers out of my pants I’ve decided, as a food writer and diner, to tell you what I no longer want to see in restaurants.
WHAT I DON’T WANT TO
HEAR
“I’m sorry this isn’t my section,” or “Sorry I’m only a runner, you’ll have to ask your waiter”.
Yes, we tried that, but they’re out the back having a smoko.
I understand there are different roles in the front of house, but how about some teamwork? I’m a paying guest; I don’t know the roster. If it’s not your section and you’re too busy, communicate that to the person that can solve our problems.
Also, the old “Have you dined with us before, shall
I explain the menu?” If the menu, which is the marketing and sales pitch of each dish, can’t explain what’s going
on, then you’re doing menus wrong.
WHAT I DON’T WANT TO EAT
Flower petals. It’s not food. It doesn’t make the dish look better, in fact it looks like a first year florist’s practical
assignment, not something
I’d put in my mouth. Plus they taste awful. So cut it out and grow up – learn to plate up without over garnishing. And for Christ’s sake stop with
the gold leaf. It doesn’t make dishes more luxurious and it has no taste.
While you’re at it, stop over-working food, stop deconstructing dishes and quit with the smears, smoke and skidmarks. We want
real food. Quality produce, beautifully cooked, not a Year 8 science project gone wrong. If we’re not careful we’ll all be eating pureed everything before we know it.
WHAT I’M TIRED OF
Ten-minute dissertations. I’m here to have dinner with
a loved one. I’m here to talk to them – not the sommelier, not the chef, not the waiter. I’m not here to watch a drama class performance, nor worship at the alter of a chef because they have a ‘journey’ to take me on. I don’t want a damn
INSIDE THE CRYSTAL BALL: THIS YEAR’S ‘DON’TS’ IN FOOD
ANTHONY HUCKSTEP IS OFTEN LOOKED TO FOR HIS CLAIRVOYANCE ON THE FOOD INDUSTRY. SO HE’S RECENTLY GAZED INTO HIS CRYSTAL BALL AND NOTED ALL THE FOOD AND FOODSERVICE TRENDS HE HOPES WILL DIE THIS YEAR. CONSIDER THIS HIS GUIDE ON WHAT NOT TO DO.


































































































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