Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #592

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
”Four older women are sitting around playing Bridge.
The first lady says, “You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.”
The second Lady says, “Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a nymphomaniac. But don’t worry, I have never made a play for your husbands. They don’t interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long.”
“Well,” says the third lady, “I, too, must confess something. I am a lesbian. But do not worry
Well,” says the third lady, “I, too, must confess something. I am a lesbian. But do
not worry, I will not bother you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship.” The fourth lady stands up, says, “I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrol- lable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!”
There was a man who had worked all his life, saved all his money, and was a real miser. Just before he died he said to his wife, “When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”
And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him.
Well he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sit- ting next to her.
When they fin-
ished the ceremo- ny just before they were ready to close the cas- ket the wife say, “Wait a minute!” She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?”
The loyal wife replied, “Listen I’m a Christian I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him.”
“You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!”
“I sure did,” said the wife, “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote a cheque, if he can cash it he can spend it.
Garage-found Grenades Turned Over To Police Turn Out To Be Live
By Ben Hooper
April 3 (UPI) -- A California police department said a bomb squad had to be sum- moned to its front lobby when a resident showed up with a box containing three grenades that turned out to be live.
The Pleasanton Police Department said on social
media that a citi- zen visited the front lobby at
police headquar- ters to turn over three grenades he found in his garage and assumed were inert.
"Unbeknownst to him, the grenades were live," the post said.
The Alameda County Sheriff's Office's Bomb Squad was sum- moned to the station and cart- ed the grenades off to be destroyed.
It was not clear how the explo- sives came to be stored in the res- ident's garage.
Police urged anyone who makes a similar discovery not to simply bring explosives to the police station.
"If you find any potentially dan- gerous explo- sives, please do not touch them," the post said.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine