Page 16 - IAV Edition #381

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A couple are out touring a house that they want to buy when they ask the realtor, "The house is very nice, but is this a quiet neighborhood?"
The realtor answers, "Sure, there have been six murders, seven rob- beries, and no one heard a thing."
Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.
"What did you find?" he asks.
"I am not sure," comes the answer. "It looks like a piece of film from an old movie. Let me see... Ah, yes. It is from 'Gone with the Wind'".
"And how is it?"
"Nothing much. The book was better."
The day after his wife disappeared In a kayak- ing accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some infor- mation about your wife”, said one of the troopers. “Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .” “Oh my God!”, exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?” The trooper con- tinued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twen- ty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs cling- ing to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” Stunned,
Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.
Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
"I'll show you a trick, and if you think the trick is good enough, you give me a drink on the house." The bartender, having had a pretty bor- ing day, accepts.
The man takes a rat out of his pocket and an equally tiny piano out of his other pocket. He sets the piano on the bar, and the rat jumps up and
begins to play "The Entertainer".
The bartender is amazed and happily gives the man a free drink. After finishing, the man makes another bet: "If I show you an even better drink, will you put my entire tab for the night on the house as well?"
The bartender accepts again, thinking that there was no way that the man could produce a better trick. He proceeds to pull a bullfrog out of his pants pocket and sets it down next to the rat. The rat begins to play a different song, and the bullfrog starts to sing along in a crystal clear voice. The bartender is once again amazed, and agrees to pay for the man's drinks for the rest of the night.
An hour later, the man is enjoying his free drinks when a stranger comes up to the man and offers to buy the bullfrog for $100,000. "Sorry, he's not for sale," replies the man. The stranger offers to pay $500,000, and the man reluctantly sells the bullfrog and takes the money. The stranger leaves with glee, and the bartender is furious.
"That frog could've been worth millions of dollars to you, maybe even bil- lions, but you sold it off for a mere five hundred thousand dollars!"
The man smiles and takes a sip of his drink.
"Don't worry, the frog doesn't mean that much to me. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
ROOM FOR
REnT
FREE room in exchange for cooking, cleaning & part time relief care giver. Must pass LiveScan for possible full time w/ pay. Female •
nished, full privileges. Internet, pool & jacuzzi. No pets, smoking or drugs •
Masterbedroom, furnished. No smoking & overnighter
$450 • 947-9338 382
Furnished, private bath, pd utilities, parking. Near shops & dining. Safe & quiet area. No pets & drugs $400 • 805-416-3221382
Room w/ balcony, for one person, shared bath, wash-
SWAP mEET
LancaSTER mInI-maLL
44236 10th Street West Lancaster, CA 93534 (Bet Ave J & Ave J4) Mon-Wed-Thurs 10am-7pm
Fri-Sat: 10am-8pm Sun: 10am-6pm Tues: Closed 661-337-9279
718-2020
385
STORAgE/ SPACE PaLmDaLE
789-8729
E. Lancaster: Shared bath, $400/mo + 1/3 utilities. Wifi, plenty of treet parking • 483-
Parking space for rent or for gardening to plant vegeta- bles or???. 5acres on Littlerock on 82nd Ave &
InTERnaTIOnaL SHOPPIng maLL 2520 E. Palmdale Bl Near Von’s & Burger King Hours: Mon, Wed, Thurs:
385
4529
W. Lancaster: $550+$100dep. Pd utilities. Masterbedroom w/ private bath, walk-in closet, fur-
W. Palmdale: Single person, No drugs or alcohol $450 •
Ave U • 733-6595
376
265-8178
382
SEcuRE mInI STORagE.
385
er, dryer, kitchen. No smok- ing & overnighter • 947- 9338382
Rancho Vista: Private bath, close to mall, DirecTV, inter- net. No pets or drugs $500+ $200 sec • 266-1947382
Lake LA: $300 + utilities • 264-4304384
Palmdale: Masterbedroom, full bath $450 • 674-5747382
Shared bath, full house priv- ileges, own car, pet ok. No drugs or alcohol, smoke outside. Must have income. $400/mo+ $400dep. Pd utili- ties • 264-4304382
Cal City: $300, pd utilities • 998-6342382
Room in exchange for some work • 270-9665
Littlerock: New family home, full house privileges $500 • 482-0875382
W. Palmdale: $500/mo. Share all amenities, no
drugs • 274-2141
382
Elderly female looking for roommate to share a home, help for upkeep & expens- es. Must love animals. No drugs or alcohol • 264- 3770381
Palmdale: Furnished, pd utilities, near shops. No pet & drugs $385/mo • 274- 0235380
Rancho Vista: Near 15st west. Beautiful & quiet home. Large room, 2 bath. Pd utilities. Cable, internet, kitchen privileges. Close to mall, frwy & school. No drugs, alcohol & pet. No Security or deposit $500 • 450-5541379
Littlerock: 82nd & Ave U. 3+2, fireplace, living & din- ing room, approx 1700sqft, single story. Credit & income check $1,150 • 733- 6595376
HOUSE FOR SALE
Lancaster: 3+2, fenced yard, automatic sprinkler, auto garage door. Ceramic tiles throughout. Patio, gran- ite countertops, stainless steel sink, new appliances, upgraded baths, must see! $171,500 • 944-7171
Over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay,
foreclosures. call us today. ask for Tony austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
LAnD
Yucca, AZ: 2.5acres, owner will carry, term • 728-7687385
2 Cemetery lots. Joshua Tree Memorial park $2000 each • 341-8367382
Cal City: Commercial lot. Near 92nd & Redwood $16500 • 947-8566380
California City: Residential lot $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
2+acres - 70th west & Ave. D4 $64,000; 2.5acres - 70th west & Ave D8 $47,250; 9+acres - Corner of Phillips & Neuralia Rd $49,500 • 942-8894bs
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824- 3333257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
Over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain Prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us
$1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
SPORTinG
GOOdS
New weight bench w/ weight. 100lbs concrete $100 for all • 754-1629385
Rally sports bike $40 • 266- 1947382
Motorized scooter, needs
382 battery $150 • 266-1947
Portable massage table, assembled once, never used. Has cover & carrying case. $50 • 266-0368383
Speed bag mount. All metal frame, new paint $38 • 272-
376 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
mOBILE HOmE FOR SaLE! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
MOBILE HOME
For Rent: Phelan, 2+1, sin- gle wide, 2 acres, Clean & quiet. Single senior $500 • 714-794-7547382
For Rent: Mobile or Trailer. $350/mo. 8262 E. Ave U, Littlerock • 733-6595379
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
8:30pm only
373
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;