Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #382

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A guy says to the bar- tender, "A glass of your finest Less, please." "Less? Never heard of it."
"C'mon, sure you have."
"No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?"
"I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink Less."
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code words" to indi- cate the want to have intercourse without let- ting their young children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter".
One day hubby told his 5 year old daughter, "go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The girl went to tell her mommy.
Her mommy said, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because the typewriter has a red ribbon in it.
The girl went to tell her dad.
Several days later the mom told the girl, "Tell daddy he can type the letter now".
She went to tell her daddy and returned to mommy and announced, "Daddy said never mind the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
The teacher asked little
Johnny if he knew his numbers.
“Yes,” he said, “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?” “A jack!”
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno, Abe. But let’s make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you—andifyoudie first, you come back and tell me — if there is baseball in heaven.”
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feed- ing the pigeons by him- self when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol... Sol....”
Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”
“Yes it is Sol,” whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well,” says Abe says, “I
got good news and I got bad news.” “Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.
Abe says, “Well... there is baseball in heaven.”
Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?”
Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re playing on Friday."
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
Ashewasagreatfanof his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your
PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the ice- berg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
FIxer uPPer Homes
Bargains, Lowest Prices. These homes need work. Call for a free list w/ pics WWW. rcaroseLLsHomes.com Free recorded Message 1-866-247-0349 ID#1048
Amigo Real Estate, Agent #01785140
482-0875382
W. Palmdale: $500/mo. Share all amenities, no drugs • 274-2141382
Elderly female looking for roommate to share a home, help for upkeep & expens- es. Must love animals. No drugs or alcohol • 264- 3770381
Littlerock: 82nd & Ave U. 3+2, fireplace, living & din- ing room, approx 1700sqft, single story. Credit & income check $1,150 • 733-
$49,500 • 942-8894bs
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824-
in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
STORAgE/
SPACE
Parking space for rent or for gardening to plant vegeta- bles or???. 5acres on Littlerock on 82nd Ave & Ave U • 733-6595376
secure mInI sTorage. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
SPORTinG
GOOdS
Power X men’s bike. 26’ tires, 18spd. Maroon & grey, almost new $80 • 818-299- 1416386
New weight bench w/ weight. 100lbs concrete $100 for all • 754-1629385
Rally sports bike $40 • 266-
382 1947
Motorized scooter, needs battery $150 • 266-1947382
Portable massage table, assembled once, never used. Has cover & carrying case. $50 • 266-0368383
Speed bag mount. All metal frame, new paint $38 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
SWAP mEET
LancasTer mInI-maLL
44236 10th Street West Lancaster, CA 93534 (Bet Ave J & Ave J4) Mon-Wed-Thurs 10am-7pm
Fri-Sat: 10am-8pm Sun: 10am-6pm Tues: Closed 661-337-9279
PaLmdaLe InTernaTIonaL sHoPPIng maLL 2520 E. Palmdale Bl Near Von’s & Burger King Hours:
3333
257
376 6595
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain Prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us
HOUSE
FOR SALE
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
moBILe Home For saLe! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
Masterbedroom, furnished. No smoking & overnighter
9338382
Rancho Vista: Private bath, close to mall, DirecTV, inter- net. No pets or drugs $500+
$200 sec • 266-1947 Lake LA: $300 + utilities •
ileges, own car, pet ok. No drugs or alcohol, smoke outside. Must have income. $400/mo+ $400dep. Pd utili-
Lancaster: 3+2, fenced yard, automatic sprinkler, auto garage door. Ceramic tiles throughout. Patio, gran- ite countertops, stainless steel sink, new appliances, upgraded baths, must see! $171,500 • 944-7171
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us today. ask for Tony austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
LAnD
Yucca, AZ: 2.5acres, owner will carry, term • 728-7687385
2 Cemetery lots. Joshua Tree Memorial park $2000
386 each • 341-8367
California City: Residential lot $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
2+acres - 70th west & Ave. D4 $64,000; 2.5acres - 70th west & Ave D8 $47,250; 9+acres - Corner of Phillips & Neuralia Rd
MOBILE HOME
For Rent: Phelan, 2+1, sin- gle wide, 2 acres, Clean & quiet. Single senior $500 •
$450 • 947-9338
382
Furnished, private bath, pd utilities, parking. Near shops & dining. Safe & quiet area. No pets & drugs $400 •
ties • 264-4304
382
382
264-4304 Palmdale: Masterbedroom,
Cal City: $300, pd utilities • 998-6342382
Room in exchange for some work • 270-9665
Littlerock: New family home, full house privileges $500 •
714-794-7547
382
805-416-3221
382
384
full bath $450 • 674-5747 Shared bath, full house priv-
For Rent: Mobile or Trailer. $350/mo. 8262 E. Ave U,
Room w/ balcony, for one person, shared bath, wash- er, dryer, kitchen. No smok- ing & overnighter • 947-
Littlerock • 733-6595
379
382
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;