Page 11 - Confessions Week 1

The beatings were so awful, Selima would cry long after they were

done. The pain that used to be on the inside and outside of her was

unbelievable. Hell, what do I know? It probably still is a lot of pain

lingering on the inside. And we were pale back then, so the bruises

would turn black and purple on our skin. Taking baths were a nightmare

after one of those beatings. I have no idea what they used to put in the

water, but it would make those scars hurt so much more that it got to

the point where I would pretend to get in the water. I just couldn't do

it. It hurt way too much. I couldn't take the pain. I also couldn't take the

pain of hearing Selima get those beatings. So many times I wanted to

find a way to kill that lady. I was having so many evil thoughts. I just

wanted to be able to sleep in peace.

Being awakened out your sleep and getting beat with a rubber

tube for no reason at all is NOT how you want to live as a child. You

develop sleeping issues and nightmares become a part of you. Dressing

up for P.E. at school was something I didn't participate in. I was already

the center of ridicule and the butt of all jokes for the clothes and shoes

I had. There was no way I was gonna let these kids see the scars on my

body too. My teacher must have suspected something, because she

never forced me to change clothes. She always allowed me to just

participate in the class wearing what I had on. I was ever so grateful for

that. Imagine how broken I must have been back then. The simplest act

of kindness and compassion was like gold to me. I was lacking so much

in so many areas.