Page 10 - confessions1

The lady that was unleashing her abuse on us was very big and heavy

handed. I can remember the anger and look on her face during each

vicious swing. I will never forget it.

For years as an adult I would have nightmares and honestly, to

this day I still do. Selima and I have never once as adults talked about

those beatings in the basement. I can't say why. I guess we both just

chose to try and forget about them. (It hurts SO much to even talk

about it.) If you endured the beatings that we did, you would probably

choose to forget them too. The most frustrating thing is, it’s not really a

choice though. I have TRIED. I have seriously given real effort to pushing

these images out of my mind but it’s impossible. Maybe I need to get

into meditation, perhaps that will assist in some way. But, as of yet I

have no solution.

We got beat with some of everything!!! Literally. I remember the

"white rubber cord" that was brought out on special occasions! How

foolish and sad is that? But it’s so very true. I don’t know where the hell

she found this thing, but it would lift the skin off you before you knew

it. Those beatings were the worst by far. I used to always wear long

pants and shirts even when it was burning hot. I didn't want anyone to

see my "love" scars. Yes! This crazy ass lady would tell us she loved

us!!!! How ironic is that shit!? You beat me like this out of love? What

would you do if you hated me? I can’t even wrap my brain around the

answers to these questions. And of course they were rhetorical back

then anyway, because I wouldn’t dare open my mouth and ask her.