Page 24 - flip book- How To Survive Baby Loss

How To Survive Baby Loss

● Some bottle up their thoughts and feelings.
● Some talk and seek to give support.

● Some want to try for another child right away.

● Many of us grow in ways we did not think was possible.

The night our baby did not have a heartbeat, while at the
hospital and still needing to deliver him, my husband hurt me
by saying, “That is it, we are done trying to have kids.” At that
moment, I felt like he had removed the rug out from under me.
I did not have a choice about having to deliver our son even
though he was not breathing, and now he, in effect, was taking
my other choices away from me. Later I told my husband that
his statement really hurt me, to which he replied he did not
want to see me in pain again. At that point, he had been with
me through three consecutive losses. My husband said he did
not mean it and that we could try again.

Another difference between men and women is that the
woman will often have a closer attachment as she feels the
baby, carries the child in the womb, and goes through the pain
of birthing them. Men do not have this experience. Equally im-
portant is realizing others do not share the same level of pain
that a mama does, so be kind of yourself.

Some push off mourning because they’re afraid of what
might happen, afraid of losing control, and afraid of others
judging them. My husband’s and my open and honest commu-
nication allows me to say that, as a woman, I just needed to be
held when I needed to cry. I did not want him feeling the need
to fix me. I appreciated being able to tell my spouse how much
my body changes suck and that I hated not having our baby. I
told him I would rather be nursing and losing sleep if only we
had our son with us. I was able to say, “I miss our son.” and
hear my husband say, “I know. Me too.” All these statements
are permission to be real, permission to feel, and permission to
mourn. Please give yourself that permission too.

Another aspect to be aware of is that others need grace as
they can only be as understanding as they can be up to a point,

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