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The Making of a New-Age Therapist 209
out and walked among the people, administering love . . . love . . . love.
Through the crowd we walked—up the stairs to the spacious dining room where we were to eat before Baba gave his address. Leaves sewn together into mats lined the room. These were to be our plates. Before eating we all walked to an open porch bordered by a brick wall. As we stood with our hands held out over the wall, someone came by and doused them with water from a pitcher which splashed to the ground below. We then seated ourselves cross- legged on the floor and all eyes were turned to Baba who sat at one end of the room.
I tried to put some thoughts together for my talk but was roused from them by the sounds of my brother diving into his rice with a passion. Here was the same man who had been deathly afraid of catching some kind of illness in India, now driven by hunger to eat with his hands like a native Indian. Even he found it amusing, though he was too busily engaged to laugh.
After the meal, my brother and I were escorted to a waiting room on the ground floor of the school. I was happy for the time to gather my thoughts. It’s hard to explain my fear of speaking in Baba’s presence, but it’s more than just stage fright. It has more to do with being truly speechless when trying to grasp the full meaning of Baba and the reality he represents.
In the past I had questioned the statement that divinity is beyond words and concepts. Now I began to see this as more than just an abstract concept. When one contemplates or experiences Baba, something strange happens to the mental processes. They get fuzzy and fade out, and one perceives an intense, inner vastness where words and concepts simply have no place. I have struggled to express this glorious inner experience of expansion and boundarylessness in some kind of concept or description—but what a futile task that is!
When I’m really in touch with Baba, the only natural expression is to be quiet, close my eyes and immerse myself in devotion, exhilaration, awe and gratitude. Yet he had said I was to give some advice, so advice I would try to give. Besides, I thought, this will test what I’ve heard other devotees describe: that when it was their turn to speak in such a situation, they would just stand and open their mouths and Baba would speak through them. Now I could test this out for myself.