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Self Sacrifice 215
So I decided to develop the skills that I might use one day if he allowed me to live by him. I decided to get some experience working with the poor in a clinic setting and perhaps one day I could run a clinic or day treatment program at Baba’s hospital. Of course, I asked myself, what does an Avatar need with a psychiatrist—but even so one has to have a dream and perhaps this one could come true. Baba actually does ask us to perfect our skills for the day when he might allow us to work directly with him as an instrument in the unfolding of his mission.
Back in San Diego I went to a clinic in a poor area to meet with the head of the psychosocial department. I told her that I would like to be a volunteer half a day a week and she was delighted. She told me about the operations of the clinic and then said that she had a question. “You’re the first doctor that’s ever come here asking to volunteer—they’re all making a lot of money out there. So why are you doing this?”
Hesitantly I began, “Well, if you really want to know”—I was still naive enough to think that people would understand my experience with Baba. No matter how many times I get bopped on the nose because I open my big mouth too quickly, it seems that I can’t stop talking about Baba. So again 1 put my foot in my mouth and said, “Because the Lord of all creation—if you can believe this—the Lord of the entire cosmos, he who has created the world by simply one thought, has come in human form and is alive in India. He is actually here, walking the earth, teaching us at this very moment—what extraordinary grace, pure unending joy! And he tells us to go to the poor and suffering and be of service.”
And the miracle of this whole thing was that even though she looked a bit taken aback she said, “Well, okay, let’s start next week.” And so I worked in the clinic, volunteering my time doing things
that I was familiar with, and nothing new or startling happened. But it did teach me that one has to start slowly and be patient. To progress along the path takes time, perseverance and steadiness and a great deal of patience. So I worked at the clinic for about a year, even though I didn’t seem to be very effective or learning very much at all—in fact, it seemed a bit boring to tell you the truth. Finally I decided to stop. Shortly thereafter I saw an advertisement in the paper for a medical director for a day treatment program. It was just what I was looking for, a setting where I might gain