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Layers of Fear, Levels of Love 71
“We stopped in San Francisco and stayed with friends, a husband/wife dancing team who had just returned from tour. Some months back, they’d started their tour in San Diego. Because of poor advance promotion, hardly anyone came; it flopped. They were depressed and very worried about money.
“Unexpectedly, I had just received $400 in the mail from an outstanding loan. It seemed to have dropped from the sky. I gave it to my friends. My husband was upset; he thought it was irresponsible, inappropriate generosity, but to me it was spontaneous good will.
“When we met them in San Francisco, they were elated from a successful tour. They had rave reviews wherever they went, especially about a dance they had choreographed themselves. And they were so appreciative of my gift that they had dedicated this dance to my husband and me—even noted it in their printed program. I’m not able to create a dance myself, so I was happy to have contributed in this way.”
A.T. had been generous to her friends and was rightly appreciated. But at another level she was telling me how painful it was to be unaccepted when expressing deep, inner feelings, as had happened to her friends when their dancing wasn’t appreciated, and how frightened she was of revealing more of herself lest I disapprove. I felt her defensive distancing, a sign of her blocking herself from deeper, inner experience of love as well. What was she frightened of revealing?
In intensive uncovering psychotherapy, the client is encouraged into a systematic investigation of avoided areas. When the therapist senses distancing, he/she suspects that the client is defending against fears and their underlying wishes and desires. The first clues to these connected fears and desires may be seen in the patient’s free associations (the uncensored verbalizations of whatever spontaneously arises in the patient’s mind) and dreams, which provide a clearer channel into the unconscious than does the waking state, and in transference reactions (the projection of feelings, thoughts and wishes onto the analyst, who has come to represent an object from the patient’s past).
If the therapist shows understanding by correctly interpreting the situation and provides a safe atmosphere of acceptance, the client