Page 19 - COBH EDITION 18th JANUARY DIGITAL VERSION

while many of you will dismiss all this as bunkum and a load of nonsense, I believe
there is something to it. Not only that, but I think there was another God that was not
as well-known as the others.
I don’t know what his name was, but he was the one responsible for misery and hard-
ship. He’s the guy who watched over everyone to make sure they were unhappy. When
anyone showed the slightest sign of having a good time, he struck to make sure that
misery was visited upon them and knocked all sense of fun out of them. And I’ll tell you
something else, he hasn’t gone away.

That’s not all. This guy knows me personally and I have no idea what I ever did to him,
but he has had it in for me for a long time. He will not leave me be and he struck again
at Christmas. He could see I was comfortable at home and he observed my relaxed life-
style. It displeased him and not content with minding his own business and leaving me
in peace, he preferred instead to have some fun.
So, he infiltrated the minds of my children and persuaded them to buy me a watch. Not
an ordinary watch either but a Garmin Vivomove. When I opened the box and saw it,
I immediately thought it was an attractive piece of kit and I took a shine to it. But the
instruction manual sent a shiver up my spine and I knew straight away that the god of
misery had a hand in it.
You see, for those of you who have never seen one of these watches, telling the time is
only one of its many functions. It also records your heart rate and estimates your level
of stress. It records the number of steps you take, the number of stairs you climb, how
many calories you consume and how many you lose.
It sets targets to get you exercising, times your movements and tells you how many
miles you have travelled in your day. But by far, the most alarming aspect of this gad-
get, is that if I sit for too long in the one spot it will vibrate on my wrist and the screen
will light up with a message telling me to ‘Move’.

For a short while, it felt good not having to worry about time anymore, but now a watch
has taken control of my life again. Thanks to the god of misery.