Page 410 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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A DRUNK, LIKE YOU 399
worked for with no problem; now even minor product
showcases were becoming difficult.
Also, I was having trouble getting technicians to
work for me. In the past I had had my pick because I was
good to work for and the projects were fun, with in-
teresting new ideas. I always had a quick temper, but
now things were getting out of hand. I would do
things like beat up my desk with my desk chair.
And the most serious thing to me was that I was
contemplating suicide. I had an actual plan—a plan
for an accident that would raise no question in the
minds of the insurance company. So in a moment of
sanity, I decided it would be a good idea to seek help.
If I hadn’t lost my marbles, they were at the least
very loose.
So my wife and I found a psychiatric social worker at
the local Jewish Family Services agency. She saw us as
a couple, then individually, then together, and so it
went. When we were together, we worked on our
interpersonal problems. When I saw her by myself,
she would talk about drinking. I don’t know why she
kept bringing it up. I drank, but not that much. I never
even mentioned my drinking except maybe to say,
“Yes, I do drink,” when she asked. It wasn’t the prob-
lem—the other things were. One day she read me
some questions from a pamphlet, which I answered
honestly. She concluded that maybe I drank too much,
and we talked about that for several sessions.
One day she asked if I could limit myself to five
drinks in a day. I said, “Sure.” Was I surprised when I
found that I couldn’t. That should have been my
first clue that she might be right, but it didn’t occur
to me.