Page 64 - Exile-ebook

64 AN EXILE OF THE MIND
Sam Falk/The New York Times. Photo: Christchurch Press
Cambridge Circus Revue. Peter, Paul and Mary.
parties in funereal style, balanced party trick was to let out squeaky
precariously across the back of farts in Morse code. Beer helped to
Jennyvieve and held in place by produce his excessive flatulence.
‘pallbearers’. Students, breadline Loaded with chemistry apparatus
poor, approached on a regular basis and wearing white lab coats, we visit-
this ‘wealthy’ student dressed in a ed local pubs to test the quality of beer
tuxedo and driving a flash car, for pulled from the tap. An array of test
loans rarely repaid. tubes, flasks and retorts connected by
The Right Hon and I, with a glass rods, took the shape of a Heath
chemistry student called Toady, had Robinson doohickey on the bar.
this great idea to score free beer. The publican was then asked to
Toady earned his nickname from pour beer down one end and as it
Toad of Toad Hall from The Wind in frothed its way to the other end we
the Willows. Dressed immaculately sampled it in turns. Three pubs later a
in a chequered green suit and bright publican became suspicious when we
yellow waistcoat, he swaggered became tipsy. Our cover was finally
around as if permanently looking for blown when Toady performed his
something in the sky. His favourite party trick and laughed hysterically
STANDING IN FOR THE BEATLES 65
The Beatles at the Clarendon Hotel, Christchurch.
as we were thrown out. His chemistry student newspaper, Canta. Standing
gizmo was held to ransom until the at the end of a long line of information
beer was paid for. tables during Orientation Week, I sold
John Cousins, a music student, Canta subscriptions to unsuspecting
was another member of our coterie. first-years who thought it obligatory.
He made international headlines 20 The Canta office was housed in the
years later at the Edinburgh Festival beautiful gothic building of the Stu-
as its first ‘piss artist’. He created dent Union across the street from the
music by lying naked on a bench Art Deco building of the West Avon
set at an incline with plastic tubes apartments where I lived.
attached to his body. There he lay Sister Hannah, affectionately
for hours before a bewildered public called Mutti, gave motherly advice in
drinking copious amounts of water the office next door, taking me under
and peeing through tubes to create her wing to make sure I remembered
uncanny drum-like sounds. to eat at least once a day. She was
Nineteen sixty four was an extraor- the student health nurse. A beaming
dinary year crammed with exciting Austrian with bright blue eyes and
events. I was appointed editor of the rosy cheeks under a halo of iron-