Page 354 - swanns-way

him, a creature from whom he might, perhaps, be unable
to liberate himself, towards whom he might have to adopt
some such stratagem as one uses to outwit a master or a
malady. And yet, during this last moment in which he had
felt that another, a fresh personality was thus conjoined
with his own, life had seemed, somehow, more interesting.
It was in vain that he assured himself that this possible
meeting at Prévost’s (the tension of waiting for which so
ravished, stripped so bare the intervening moments that he
could find nothing, not one idea, not one memory in his
mind beneath which his troubled spirit might take shelter
and repose) would probably, after all, should it take place,
be much the same as all their meetings, of no great impor-
tance. As on every other evening, once he was in Odette’s
company, once he had begun to cast furtive glances at her
changing countenance, and instantly to withdraw his eyes
lest she should read in them the first symbols of desire and
believe no more in his indifference, he would cease to be
able even to think of her, so busy would he be in the search
for pretexts which would enable him not to leave her im-
mediately, and to assure himself, without betraying his
concern, that he would find her again, next evening, at the
Verdurins’; pretexts, that is to say, which would enable him
to prolong for the time being, and to renew for one day more
the disappointment, the torturing deception that must al-
ways come to him with the vain presence of this woman,
whom he might approach, yet never dared embrace.
She was not at Prevost’s; he must search for her, then, in
every restaurant upon the boulevards. To save time, while

354 Swann’s Way