Page 1002 - the-brothers-karamazov

old warder was dozing in the corner, and not a word could
reach the ears of the soldiers on guard.
‘I will tell you all our secret,’ Mitya whispered hurriedly.
‘I meant to tell you later, for how could I decide on any-
thing without you? You are everything to me. Though I say
that Ivan is superior to us, you are my angel. It’s your deci-
sion will decide it. Perhaps it’s you that is superior and not
Ivan. You see, it’s a question of conscience, question of the
higher conscience — the secret is so important that I can’t
settle it myself, and I’ve put it off till I could speak to you.
But anyway it’s too early to decide now, for we must wait
for the verdict. As soon as the verdict is given, you shall
decide my fate. Don’t decide it now. I’ll tell you now. You
listen, but don’t decide. Stand and keep quiet. I won’t tell
you everything. I’ll only tell you the idea, without details,
and you keep quiet. Not a question, not a movement. You
agree? But, goodness, what shall I do with your eyes? I’m
afraid your eyes will tell me your decision, even if you don’t
speak. Oo! I’m afraid! Alyosha, listen! Ivan suggests my es-
caping. I won’t tell you the details: it’s all been thought out:
it can all be arranged. Hush, don’t decide. I should go to
America with Grusha. You know I can’t live without Gru-
sha! What if they won’t let her follow me to Siberia? Do they
let convicts get married? Ivan thinks not. And without Gru-
sha what should I do there underground with a hammer? I
should only smash my skull with the hammer! But, on the
other hand, my conscience? I should have run away from
suffering. A sign has come, I reject the sign. I have a way of
salvation and I turn my back on it. Ivan says that in America,

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