Page 1092 - the-brothers-karamazov

was so derided by Byelinsky. I can’t help it, young man, as I
got ready to come to you I did think as a joke of appearing
in the figure of a retired general who had served in the Cau-
casus, with a star of the Lion and the Sun on my coat. But
I was positively afraid of doing it, for you’d have thrashed
me for daring to pin the Lion and the Sun on my coat, in-
stead of, at least, the Polar Star or the Sirius. And you keep
on saying I am stupid, but, mercy on us! I make no claim to
be equal to you in intelligence. Mephistopheles declared to
Faust that he desired evil, but did only good. Well, he can
say what he likes, it’s quite the opposite with me. I am per-
haps the one man in all creation who loves the truth and
genuinely desires good. I was there when the Word, Who
died on the Cross, rose up into heaven bearing on His bo-
som the soul of the penitent thief. I heard the glad shrieks of
the cherubim singing and shouting hosannah and the thun-
derous rapture of the seraphim which shook heaven and all
creation, and I swear to you by all that’s sacred, I longed to
join the choir and shout hosannah with them all. The word
had almost escaped me, had almost broken from my lips...
you know how susceptible and aesthetically impressionable
I am. But common sense — oh, a most unhappy trait in
my character — kept me in due bounds and I let the mo-
ment pass! For what would have happened, I reflected, what
would have happened after my hosannah? Everything on
earth would have been extinguished at once and no events
could have occurred. And so, solely from a sense of duty and
my social position, was forced to suppress the good moment
and to stick to my nasty task. Somebody takes all the credit

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