Page 736 - the-brothers-karamazov

the same man. Even his face is not the same; he’s different
altogether. I shouldn’t have known him. I drove here with
Timofey, and all the way I was thinking how I should meet
him, what I should say to him, how we should look at one
another. My soul was faint, and all of a sudden it was just
as though he had emptied a pail of dirty water over me. He
talked to me like a schoolmaster, all so grave and learned;
he met me so solemnly that I was struck dumb. I couldn’t
get a word in. At first I thought he was ashamed to talk be-
fore his great big Pole. I sat staring at him and wondering
why I couldn’t say a word to him now. It must have been
his wife that ruined him; you know he threw me up to get
married. She must have changed him like that. Mitya, how
shameful it is! Oh, Mitya, I’m ashamed, I’m ashamed for all
my life. Curse it, curse it, curse those five years!’
And again she burst into tears, but clung tight to Mitya’s
hand and did not let it go.
‘Mitya, darling, stay, don’t go away. I want to say one
word to you,’ she whispered, and suddenly raised her face
to him. ‘Listen, tell me who it is I love? I love one man here.
Who is that man? That’s what you must tell me.’
A smile lighted up her face that was swollen with weep-
ing, and her eyes shone in the half darkness.
‘A falcon flew in, and my heart sank. ‘Fool! that’s the man
you love!’ That was what my heart whispered to me at once.
You came in and all grew bright. What’s he afraid of? I won-
dered. For you were frightened; you couldn’t speak. It’s not
them he’s afraid of — could you be frightened of anyone?
It’s me he’s afraid of, I thought, only me. So Fenya told you,