Page 836 - the-brothers-karamazov

his fist down on the table fiercely. ‘That would have been
filthy beyond everything! Yes, do you know that she might
have given me that money, yes, and she would have given
it, too; she’d have been certain to give it, to be revenged on
me, she’d have given it to satisfy her vengeance, to show her
contempt for me, for hers is an infernal nature, too, and
she’s a woman of great wrath. I’d have taken the money, too,
oh, I should have taken it; I should have taken it, and then,
for the rest of my life... oh, God! Forgive me, gentlemen,
I’m making such an outcry because I’ve had that thought
in my mind so lately, only the day before yesterday, that
night when I was having all that bother with Lyagavy, and
afterwards yesterday, all day yesterday, I remember, till that
happened..’
‘Till what happened?’ put in Nikolay Parfenovitch in-
quisitively, but Mitya did not hear it.
‘I have made you an awful confession,’ Mitya said gloom-
ily in conclusion. ‘You must appreciate it, and what’s more,
you must respect it, for if not, if that leaves your souls un-
touched, then you’ve simply no respect for me, gentlemen,
I tell you that, and I shall die of shame at having confessed
it to men like you! Oh, I shall shoot myself! Yes, I see, I see
already that you don’t believe me. What, you want to write
that down, too?’ he cried in dismay.
‘Yes, what you said just now,’ said Nikolay Parfenovitch,
looking at him surprise, ‘that is, that up to the last hour you
were still contemplating going to Katerina Ivanovna to beg
that sum from her.... I assure you, that’s a very important
piece of evidence for us, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, I mean for