Page 391 - les-miserables

bitterly as he remembered that the theft of the forty sous
from little Gervais put him in the position of a man guilty
of a second offence after conviction, that this affair would
certainly come up, and, according to the precise terms of
the law, would render him liable to penal servitude for life.
He turned aside from all illusions, detached himself
more and more from earth, and sought strength and conso-
lation elsewhere. He told himself that he must do his duty;
that perhaps he should not be more unhappy after doing his
duty than after having avoided it; that if he allowed things
to take their own course, if he remained at M. sur M., his
consideration, his good name, his good works, the defer-
ence and veneration paid to him, his charity, his wealth, his
popularity, his virtue, would be seasoned with a crime. And
what would be the taste of all these holy things when bound
up with this hideous thing? while, if he accomplished his
sacrifice, a celestial idea would be mingled with the galleys,
the post, the iron necklet, the green cap, unceasing toil, and
pitiless shame.
At length he told himself that it must be so, that his des-
tiny was thus allotted, that he had not authority to alter
the arrangements made on high, that, in any case, he must
make his choice: virtue without and abomination within, or
holiness within and infamy without.
The stirring up of these lugubrious ideas did not cause
his courage to fail, but his brain grow weary. He began to
think of other things, of indifferent matters, in spite of him-
self.
The veins in his temples throbbed violently; he still paced

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