Page 26 - San Diego Woman Magazine

tention and put her on bed rest with a
daily round of hormones which were giv-
en by injection. Our neighbor, who was
my Mom's best friend, had to learn how to
give injections. And the strategy worked.
Finally, after seven years, my baby broth-
er was born. And as the first boy, he was
lavished with attention, and I got really
jealous.
Thankfully, I didn't have any trouble
conceiving; thus, I figured this baby thing
was a no-brainer until I gained 50 pounds.
And then the contractions started. By the
time they were close enough to head for
the hospital, I was certain that my first
would be an only child. The pain of labor
was excruciating. I don't know if anyone
has ever tried to describe it, but when it
was over, I felt no joy. I remember feeling
only anger that all my female relatives had
lied – by omission – to me over the years,
all this time. Had I understood the abso-
Don't Blink become a mother – period.
lute agony of childbirth, I would not have
I was angry with my Mom. I was an-
gry with my older sisters. And I was angry
with God for punishing Eve in this way. I
was angry with my doctors, too, although
they both told me the second one would
By Sharon Hightower be easier. As if I would even consider a sec-
ond one!
John was born at 5:03 in the morning
With summer flying by, I began think- So it was with some fear and trepidation after about 8 hours of what the doctors
ing about my Dad and our family vaca- that I stopped the pill. called "hard labor." I ask you: is there any
tions in the Sierras which led me to think I went to check in with my ob-gyn to other kind? He was a pretty baby with lots
about my first husband and our family ask questions, and six weeks later, I found of hair. Everyone commented on it—even
vacations, often near June Lake. Finally, myself back at the doctor's office. He the nurses.
these fun thoughts made me think about laughed and said that hadn't taken much I was surprised at my lack of feeling. I'd
the time we became parents and parent- time. And nine months later, I found my- expected to adore this tiny bundle, but I
hood in general. self at Memorial Hospital in Long Beach, didn't. In truth, I didn't feel much. He was a
It was the early 70s, and birth really just a few miles from Community Hospital, baby. He was pretty. And he was mine, but
was something people could control. Be- where I'd made my own entrance into the I thought I should be bursting with emo-
fore the birth control pill of the 60s, plan- world. tion, but I wasn't. Mostly, I was just tired.
ning for a child was a much "iffier" matter. I had two older sisters and was the And glad for the hospital's care.
The Catholic Church, which still doesn't first child of my parent's second marriage. This was the time when new mothers
approve of artificial means of limiting a Growing up, I'd watched my mother carry still stayed in the hospital for three days,
family and recommends the rhythm meth- and deliver four children, two boys and so you had a chance to kind of get to know
od, which is far less than perfect, resulted two girls, and watched her mourn the loss the nurses. And when one night nurse
in my Mom having seven kids and as many of another girl who died shortly after birth. brought him to me to feed, she said some-
miscarriages. And there are 20 some years She was buried in the Catholic cemetery thing funny and walked out. She said,
between my oldest sister and my young- across the street from the Memorial Park, "Don't blink." So when she came back, I
est. where most of my Dad's family is. She was asked her to clarify, and she did.
Thus I was certain that I wasn't going named Sheila and would have been two But I didn't listen. I blinked. And now
to rely on that method, but when folks years younger than Shawn and two years John is grown with grown children of his
began to bug us when we were childless older than Stacey. own. And yesterday, I was reminded again
after three years, we decided perhaps it These babies came after some difficul- of how time flies when John was taken
was time. Perhaps we should at least think ty. Something must have happened after by ambulance to the hospital following a
about having kids, but as we were both I was born because my Mom tried many seizure of some kind. Lots of tests. No firm
from large families, the idea held no mys- times afterward to have another baby diagnosis. Just a loud reminder that the
tery for us. We knew parenting was hard without any success. Miscarriage followed present is all we have.
work and involved a lifetime commitment. miscarriage. Finally, the doctors paid at- So, take each moment.

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