Page 136 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 1st Draft 19_01_2020

When you do assume responsibility for defining your own self worth or for creating your own inner sense of contentment, you will look for adequacy, worth
and contentment externally. Whatever you do not give to yourself, you will seek from others or from substances or processes.

Emotional dependency is the opposite of taking personal responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing. Yet many people have no idea that this is their
responsibility, nor do they have any idea how to assume this responsibility.

What does it mean to assume emotional responsibility rather than be emotionally dependent?

It means recognising that our feelings come from our own thoughts, beliefs and behaviour, rather than from others or from circumstances. Once you understand
and accept that, you create your own feelings, rather than your feelings coming from outside of yourself, then you can begin to take emotional responsibility.

For example, let's say someone you care about gets angry at you.

If you are emotionally dependent, you may feel rejected and believe that your feelings of rejection are coming from the other persons’ anger. You might also
feel hurt, scared, anxious, inadequate, shamed, angry, resentful, blaming, or many other difficult feelings. You might try many ways of getting the other person
to not be angry in an effort to feel better.

However, if you are emotionally responsible, you will feel and respond entirely differently. The first thing you would do is to tell yourself that another person's
anger has nothing to do with you. Perhaps that person is having a bad day and is taking it out on you. Perhaps that person is feeling hurt or inadequate and is
trying to feel better at your expense.

Whatever the reason for the other persons’ anger, it is about them not about you. An emotionally responsible person does not take other peoples’ behaviour
personally, knowing that they have no control over their feelings and behaviour.

The next thing an emotionally responsible person will do is find compassion for the angry person and be open to learning about what is going on with them.
You might say, "I don't like your anger, but I am willing to understand what is upsetting you. Do you want to talk about it?" If the person continues to express
anger, or if you know this person is not going to open up to you, then as an emotionally responsible person, you should take loving action for your own sake.
You might say, "I'm not prepared to be the target of your anger. When you are ready to be open with me, call me. Meanwhile, I'm going to leave you to
yourself.”

An emotionally responsible person will give the other person the space and time they need rather than trying to change them or persuade them they’re wrong.

Once away from the angry person, the emotionally responsible person explores any painful feelings that might have resulted from the episode. Perhaps you are
feeling vulnerable or rejected. An emotionally responsible person embraces the feelings of vulnerability and rejection with understanding and self-compassion. Page136
When you acknowledge and embrace the feelings of vulnerability and rejection, you allow them to move through you quickly, so you can move back into
peace.