Page 36 - 1966

"HELL'S BELLS -E. R. G. H., 5A A STUDY OF THE WILDLIFE OF BOYS' HIGH
The ( Boy (Puer Southl diae)
The Editor,
Southland Boys' High School Magazine. Dear Sir,
"
At ten past seven or otherwise,
A bell is rung that signi es
That Coldstream Hostel is about to rise . . . or stay in bed.
The masters walk up at a hasty bat, "Get out of bed or down to the Bat", But on our beds we sturdily sat
. . .with a cheeky grin.
A quarter to eight the bell doth ring, Down to breakfast our lives we Hing; All this to do a stupid thing-
. ..have breakfast.
Over the table of wares we brood,
The manners are bad, but so is the food, All in all what a piggish mood
... we dine in.
Having now resided in this country for ve years, I feel obliged to enlighten the world, and especially those proposing to visit here, about this unique location. Allow me to expose the truth without any disparage­ ment whatsoever.
I arrived here, it seems many years ago, and in the formative period received a complete philosophical re• orientation. Never before have I felt such indignation towards a seemingly simple proposition, which con­ stricted my thought and very spirit for living. I was restricted absolutely in apparel and action; so much so that examples are the only method throug which I may be privileged to express my reactions, however frustrated or delayed they may appear to your benign
self.One hears from time to time vague rumours, to which it is acceptable only to pay no mind, which express grave criticism of such countries as this. Allow me to beg your approval to illustrate just how rigorous conditions are here. Less than six months after arriving here, an outdoor recreation had been arranged against a neiqhbouring State. For this diversion the police re­ ceived the responsibility of preparing what is referred to as "republican spirit", but which to me appeared only as communal expression of the primitive complex­ being both aggressive and sensually self-elative. It is my conviction that this activity also expresses the public apathy towards such primitivism. Exterior recreation, it is believed, symbolises the general attitude of the State; however I would like to di er, without any endorse­ ment, in that I did not nd this concept consistent with the facts. Frequently enlightened or farouche persons have been abused, confounded and humiliated by similar bellicose practices.
After breakfast to the dorms again
The police have many enterprises, of which super­ vision during public occasions such as the daily assembly is of great importance. During the ceremony ancient religious rites are performed, which I am informed are a derivation of Christianity. After these rites daily items are presented to the congregation. Usually these consist of news of recreational activities and reproval, and occasionally gratitude is bestowed on the community for their exertions.
A ide for extraterranian visitors)
This study examines the fauna of S.B.H.S., which (believe it or not) is mainly descended from "Homo
Common
An intriguing creature, the most common denizen of the area.
Life History.-A fantastic metamorphisis in four stages-
(I) The creature begins life as a low Form of life, the Third Former (Tertius Despisus). This stage lasts one year.
(2) Another I-year stage, where he becomes a "Quartus Arrogantus".
(3) A I or 2-year stage, the Fifth Former (Quintus Diligens) marked by an annual primitive torture ceremony, the "school cert.".
(4) A usually 2-year stage, the Sixth Former (Puer• Vir), after which a fantastic migration from the area occurs.
Habits.-The S.B.H.S. region is actually only the boy's diurnal hunting ground, for he also has a night lair, with which patterns of communication vary greatly. Most of the day is spent in the lair of the master. Some customs make it di cult to believe " Puer Southlandiae " is a descendant of "Homo Sapiens".
Plumage.-A dark blue with red and white bands round neck and ankles.
Calls.-CENSORED.
If I may venture further, I found that artistic and absolute eruditional activity is mainly restricted rather than encouraged, but I am assured that this is normal for new and upcoming States nowadays.
Although this State may seem an enigma within itself, there are numerous strange customs. It is the con­ vention here even for visitors to ensure equality through equality of dress.
I have found the punishment system here extremely interesting for it has changed considerably since I arrived, when public Boggin s, even in the mass, were not uncommon. I might add that now many new o cials have replaced the older ones, which may account for this oromising change.
Finally, let me say, sir, that although I have su ered many moments of apprehension and awe, I c nnot help admiring this State, with all its faults and shortcomings. I congratulate you on your favourable disposition and unfeeling indulgence, for I do not want to appear thoughtlessly voluble.
I remain, sir, ever your most humble, most sincere and modest, most obedient servant and unconditionally
devoted adherent. Flibb;rtigibbet.
-L.R.W., U6A
to pit our strength that's about to wane, To make our beds but all's in vain-
. . . they only get wrecked.
Through to the ablution block to clean our teeth, Down to read the paper, or-a piece;
But the bell is rung again-will it ever cease?
. . . ve minutes to get out.
0 boy we made it just in time:
Late out of the Hostel is a crime.
We were lucky, but the blokes behind­ . . . they copped it.
I hope that will give you some idea
Of Coldstream Hostel in top gear:
We hope to put up with it all year­ ... whatalife.
Sapiens ".