Page 38 - 1966

"HE'LL HAVE TO GO"- ELEGY ON A TREE
or "How to Make a Success of Your Life Without Really Trying"
Twenty-eight
"A HANDBOOK OF SOME KIWI SET BELIEFS" or "A New Tourist Guide"
4. I will befriend The night;
I shall always pick up
Rubbish-and throw it in provided tins. Let me
Kiss the South West wind
Until I move
And grow my hair while I am young (Forgive my youth).
In becoming a ne, upstanding citizen of our wonder­ ful country, a young man need only obey the following rules to make himself a complete success. As long as these are kept rmly in view, the road to success is open.
Beware of those who go overseas to live. They don't know God's Own Country when they see it.
Beware of Yanks.They are all skites and blowhards with their fancy cars and unintelligible accents.
Beware of Pommies.They are all lazy and soft, and can't speak the Queen's English.
Beware of anyone who speaks out against war. He is either a dirty Commo who takes drugs, or a smart­ aleck intellectual. War is the only way to make a better world for us to live in.
Beware of anyone who doesn't know the score of the last Rugby Test. He is a disgrace to our wonderful New Zealand way of life. He is a person with no appreciation of the things that matter.
Beware of those who don't drink beer.They are all secret alcoholics or queers. Beer is the only drink for a man.
Beware of university students. They are spon i•· o the prosperous economy of our nation. They should be out making a livino. instead of Allinq their heads with all that hogwash.They will never make responsible citizens.
Beware of your doctor. He doesn't really know what's wrong with you and those pills he gives you are just sugar and water. What you need is a ood tonic.
Beware especially of psychiatrists. They're the biq­ gest quacks of all, because they obviously can't do anything with something you can't see.
Beware of those who drink co ee. They are going against the traditions of our tea-drinking Mother Country.
Beware of those who listen to jazz music. They don't really like it, but are just tryin to create an impre_ s on. The only good record is "The Sound of Mutc . .
Beware of anyone who bears a beard. He is a showo and a shifty character.
Beware of those who wear their hair long. They are all queers and should be made to wear skirts, even if they are si foot two and weigh thirteen stone.
Beware of teachers.They are Alling your kids' heads with utter rot. You could do better yourself.
Beware of policemen.They beat up innocent people in dark alleys.
Beware of folksingers. They don't know good music when they hear -it, and are trying to stir up trouble.
Beware of people who listen to the National Pro­ gramme. Th_ey don't_ know good music when they hear it either.
Beware of Germans. They are all Neo-Nazis and they know where Hitler is hiding.
Beware of anyone who goes for a run every night but doesn't play rugby. He is a physical fitness end and a crank.
The day will come when I operate An account,
Stay in
At nights and mow the lawns
In week-ends.
-G.J.S., U6
For years and years
The old tree had stood, Spreading his branches For all the world to see.
He reigned for decades, Centuries maybe,
But tomorrow he'll die Like an ordinary tree.
But he is no ordinary tree,
As his scars can tell;
The black split down his middle, Made by lightning years ago.
The ground beneath him
Is littcred all over
With the debris of birds, Sheltered in his limbs.
But they don't worry, These birds of the air, That tomorrow he'll die, Be there no more
To shelter them from The storms of the past.
Men will shake their heads and say "Too bad", But he has to go.
His two main branches pointing North and South Have helped them before, but they don't care.
His trouble is like that of the world:
He's had his day, he's gefting old, He has to go
To make way for a road.
And on that road there, Cars speed by,
Men and women will die In their haste to be gone.
To further the country's progress,
Who will ever know
They are destroying their sons and daughters?
So when they kill that tree,
So farewell, old tree,
You've had your day,
Beware of anyone who puts rubbish in receptacles. is obviously a weasel and an informer.
And now you must go.
No-one will ever know the value
Of the lives he could have saved­
If men had not said,
" He'll have to go." -S. J. K., 4Bl
Beware of those who want to change everything.
What's good enough for our grandfathers is good
enough for us. -G.R., U6A