Page 46 - Harvard Business Review, Sep/Oct 2018

Give Yourself a Break

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Self-compassion triggers people
to adopt a growth mindset.

assessment of where we stand—of our strengths and our is essentially who we’ll be five years from now. People who
limitations. Convincing ourselves that we are better than we have a growth mindset, in contrast, view personality traits
are leads to complacency, and thinking we’re worse than and abilities as malleable. They see the potential for growth
we are leads to defeatism. When people treat themselves and thus are more likely to try to improve—to put in effort
with compassion, they are better able to arrive at realistic and practice and to stay positive and optimistic.
self-appraisals, which is the foundation for improvement. My research suggests that self-compassion triggers
They are also more motivated to work on their weaknesses people to adopt a growth mindset. In one study I conducted
rather than think “What’s the point?” and to summon the grit with Juliana Breines, participants were asked to identify what
required to enhance skills and change bad habits. they considered to be their biggest weakness—most involved
My colleagues Juliana Breines (at the University of Rhode social difficulties such as lack of confidence, anxiety, shyness,
Island) and Jia Wei Zhang (at the University of Memphis) and and insecurity in relationships—after which they were
I demonstrated this in a series of studies in which participants randomly assigned to one of three groups. Participants in
were nudged to treat themselves either with self-compassion the self-compassion group were asked to write a response to
or in a self-esteem-boosting manner. Then we assessed this prompt: “Imagine that you are talking to yourself about
their desire for self-improvement. In one study, we asked this weakness from a compassionate and understanding
participants to recall a time when they did something they perspective. What would you say?” People in the self-esteem
felt was wrong and as a result experienced guilt, remorse, group were asked to write in response to: “Imagine that you
and regret. The majority of participants’ transgressions are talking to yourself about this weakness from a perspective
involved romantic infidelity, academic misconduct, of validating your positive (rather than negative) qualities.”
dishonesty, betrayal of trust, or hurting someone they The final group was not asked to write anything.
cared about. We then randomly assigned them to one of Next, participants completed a set of measures about
three conditions: self-compassion, self-esteem, or a control whether they felt content, sad, or upset and then were asked
group. The self-compassion participants were asked to to spend five minutes describing whether they’ve ever
write a paragraph to themselves expressing kindness and done anything to change their weakness and where they
understanding regarding the transgression. The self-esteem thought their weakness came from. Independent coders
people were asked to write a paragraph describing their rated participants’ responses based on the degree to which
positive qualities. Participants in the control group were they conveyed a growth or a fixed mindset (“It’s just inborn—
asked to write about a hobby they enjoyed. All participants there’s nothing I can do” versus “With hard work I know I
then filled out a questionnaire assessing their desire to can change”). Participants in the self-compassion condition
make amends and their commitment not to repeat the expressed significantly more thoughts associated with a
transgression in the future. We found that those who were growth mindset than participants in the other two conditions.
encouraged to treat themselves with compassion reported But what about actual behavior? How do we know that
being more motivated to make amends and to never repeat self-compassion—and the resulting growth mindset—will
the transgression than participants who were encouraged lead people to work harder to improve themselves? According
to respond to the transgression in a self-esteem-boosting to the scientific literature on fixed and growth mindsets,
manner and those in the control group. In other research, one of the most compelling signs that a person has a growth
we found that self-compassion increased the resolve of mindset is his or her willingness to keep trying to do better
people who said they had been responsible for a romantic after receiving negative feedback. After all, if you believe your
breakup to be better partners in future relationships, abilities are fixed, there’s no point in making the effort. But if
compared with participants in the other two conditions. you view abilities as changeable, getting negative feedback
Self-compassion does more than help people recover shouldn’t deter you in trying to improve.
from failure or setbacks. It also supports what Carol Dweck, We tested this reasoning in a study in which participants
a psychology professor at Stanford University, has called (all students at a highly ranked university) first took a very
a “growth mindset.” Dweck has documented the benefits difficult vocabulary test and received feedback that they
of adopting a growth rather than “fixed” approach to had performed poorly. The participants were then randomly
performance, whether it be in launching a successful assigned to two groups. The experimenter remarked to the
start-up, parenting, or running a marathon. People with a first group—the self-compassion condition—“If you had
fixed mindset see personality traits and abilities, including difficulty with the test you just took, you’re not alone. It’s
their own, as set in stone. They believe that who we are today common for students to have difficulty with tests like this.

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