Page 11 - jesse book

Bathhouse
There is a bathhouse that some would go so far as to say is “the whitest” in all of Koreatown. By some, I of course mean what my one friend said when I told her which Korean spa I had been to. Nevertheless, at about 6 weeks into my first job, I had made good friends with most people in my office, but the women more so than anyone. These women decided to culminate our friendship with an ascribed “Girl’s Night” at Wi spa.
Ironically enough, it was not the prospect of seeing people I knew as
“the next cubicle over” completely naked that scared me, it was seeing myself. For the past couple weeks I had forced myself to look into the mirror every time the mere prospect of nudity came about. When I
peed, before and after I slept, and especially when I shaved. I had come to the realization that my ludiocris desire to have sex, came with the notion of my naked body being completely visible; therefore I better get comfortable with what I had now. Not to mention the abhorrent amount of money, hair removal, and pain I had to go through just to even have this body.
I don’t know if I will ever be in a place where I love my body. To even type that sentence out makes me cringe. Of course, some of that is based in anxiety and extremely low self esteem, but a larger part of me just can’t find complete, unabashed support for my physical body. Even at my dream weight, I would still think about my small tits, excess of pubic hair, and my absurdly large ribcage.
Thankfully, for girl’s night, I was able to keep those thoughts at bay and focus my self-actualized daggers on my not flat stomach. Our shift ended at 7 and we all huddled up at the usual smoking spot. Do you really work in California if half your coworkers don’t vape?
We had split up into two cars and had gotten there in about twenty