Page 81 - Likutei Tipshim

our very own country that enjoy mild temperatures and sun shine? BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like 1. How do you know your yeshiva is in financial trouble?
It’s time we worked to change this despicable inequality! As part of their eggs, they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to
Washington’s “share the burden” program, we will start moving cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. 2. What did Lee say to Harriet when they got married?
populations from the north to the south from the east to the west. All 3. What bracha do you make after shopping online?
callous individuals who won’t move will be subject to a cooperate HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why
tax. ( similar to corporate tax but more obtrusive) To join the the chicken crossed the road? 4. Did you hear the one about the effective politician in Washington?
“Weather Inequality - Share the Sunshine protocol ”, contact us at JOHN KERRY: A lot of people still think the chicken crossed the road 5. What’s the difference between Besuros Tovos and Betzaros Tovos?
Imfromthegovernmentandimheretohelp.com and those are the kind of people that still think the earth is flat. Answers:
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid Look, a lot of people want this chicken and I appreciate that but we can 1. You put money in the vending machine and the digital readout says
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed get you a different chicken and then I will get the peace prize, I mean
in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. there will be peace. “tizku lmitzvos”
The Presidential Council for Truth in Advertising would like to take MAHMOUD ABBAS: The chicken is ours & the road is ours. We 2. Harriet mikudeshes Lee
this opportunity to remind the American people that: Losing a job is were here before there was a chicken and everything was ours for the 3. Bircas Ha'Amazon
really freedom to engage in art and poetry. A budget deficit larger last 10,000 years. Even before there were chickens or roads, it was all
than in any previous administration is austerity. If you like your ours. 4. Unfortunately neither did we.
insurance, you can keep your insurance. Jihad is a personal journey DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? 5. Besuros Tovos is when you are looking forward to the birth of a
and this administration has Israel’s back. grandchild. Betzaros Tovos is when you have 2 grandchildren’s brisin
Did he cross it with a toad?
After such a long hard winter, we are all used to having our private Yes, the chicken crossed the road, the same day on 2 different continents.
and personal parking spots that we acquired from the city by digging but why it crossed I've not been told. ***************************************************
out our car. Think you are going to miss the convenience of having Thoughts to Ponder:
your car right in front of your house? No need to worry. The makers ZAIDY: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. If you are putting on a theatrical performance about puns, would you say
of the pop up sukkah now have the pop up snow drift. That’s right! Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good it’s a play on words?
enough for us.
For just $200, you can pop up a realistic looking snow drift complete
with lawn chairs. Never search for a parking spot again. For more APPLE: We have just released IChicken2014, which will not only Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
info check out our web site: sweatequitywildwest .com cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, balance Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
your checkbook and tweet.
For all our readers that are looking for results Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
without effort we present to you our Do you want to start a gemach but it seems all the good gemach ideas
have been taken? The Chicago Center has just launched it’s “gemach If smart phones were so smart, they wouldn't let you waste your time on
“SEGULA CORNER” Twitter and Facebook.
gemach”. We have tens of unused gemachs that you can borrow from
1. Segula for getting married: Get engaged. us for an unlimited amount of time. THIS YEAR’S LIKUTEI TIPSHIM IS SPONSORED
2. Segula for long life: Drink an 8 ounce cup of Coca Cola every day Halachic Corner Mr. & Mrs Martin Naseyum wish good luck to their son James on the
for 100 years.
Zmanim for 5774 (2014 ce) opening of his 24/6 Workout Emporium. If you are looking for a great
3. Segula for not drowning: Learn how to swim. place to exercise, join Jim Nasiyum’s Workout Emporium.
TIME TO START GOING GREEN:
4. Segula for davening with a minyan: Go to Shul According To World Watch: The sky is falling, The sky is falling In honor of Secretary of State John Kerry’s noble efforts in trying to
5. Segula for pure faith: Don’t believe in segulas. The economy is According to Al Gore: Do as I Say Not as I Do bring peace to the middle east. Mr. Kerry, we bless you with the same
blessing the Rabbi in Fiddler on the Roof gave the czar, “may H’ bless
so bad people
Do you have extra oxygen around your house According to Kermit the Frog: What took you so long? you and keep you far away from us.
you aren’t using. Send it to Kupat H’Air for have started
proven hatzlacha in all your endeavors. Guaran- marrying for The Kichol Hagoyim store has finally arrived in Chicago. Everything in
this store looks and smells treif but is 100% glatt kosher. Come on in and
teed to put more air in your sails. love. Do you enjoy a good Shabbos Hagadol Drasha ? Are you torn between all the
interesting topics and can’t decide which drasha to go to? Would you love to experience life on the other side of the tracks. Endorsed by goyish chefs
from around the world and if they like it, it must be good. For more in-
record it but can’t because it’s on Shabbos? With the new smart phone from
Prominent leaders and thinkers weigh in on the age old question: “Gramma phone” you can now record speeches , text and check emails even formation, check out our website www.getyourprioritiesright.com
on Shabbos. We take the issur out of avayros! Don’t forget our motto, “ when Many people are still talking and complaining about the rough winter we
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
it comes to technicalities we have the technology”. For more information con- had. Likutei-Tipshim would like to remind everyone that all the snow we
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. tact us at kullasRus@missingthepoint.com had would have been easier to take if you would have taken it with a

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did ********************************************************* grain of salt.
the road move beneath the chicken? Questions for Thought and Study Have you always wondered how to solve a Rubick’s Cube? How to