Page 9 - All at Sea Fanzine Issue 68

February 2018
9
HA’WAY everyone and welcome to Phil’s new gardening column for All At Sea. I’m back to work as head
gardener on my little patch of ground, I’ve had a bit of time to assess the lay of the land as it were over the last few weeks and to tell you the truth I’m not too
for me central pond. Last time he came back with some that were all over the shop, missing ns, swimming in circles and far too old, so I’m hoping he does a better job this time like.
I’ve had to pop into the garden centre to replenish me stock, it being January and time running out before the growing season begins. Firstly, as the garden centre shuts at 8pm I decided to hop in me car at 7.15pm because I was a bit worried it might be busy before then. There wasn’t much left of use, but there were lots of damaged packets of seeds that would normally be far more expensive and may have graced bigger and more expensive gardens in the past, but fortunately I snapped them up for a fraction of the price for me little project.
Unfortunately, on opening them one was completely empty and the other one smelt, well frankly like something that wanted to go straight back to Lincoln as soon as possible. So once again it’s situations that truth be told have gone against me at the end of the
dayT.here’salsoaterriblemessononeside where people have been pulling up trees all season, so I’m not sure what to do about that. Fortunately, I do still have a copy of Horticulture Manager 2009 which I’m always keen to boot up to see which plants that were fashionable almost a decade ago might do a job in the current climate.
So at the end of the day, when all’s said and done, it’s been a disappointing start but I am not fearing for me future just yet. People should judge me when all me plants are in bloom and the Brian Horton water feature is t and ring. Time is against me now (I need to apply for a job as head gardener at the Chelsea Flower Show, which is a dream job for me), but I hope you’ll join me next time for more insight into Phil Brown’s gardening leave.
impressed with what I’ve seen.
First and foremost, truth be told some
of the more established, senior plants have been letting me down. The rhododendrons are a mess, and the da odils have not in my opinion reached the levels of bloom they are capable of. I even tried to get Charli Dimmock in while I was watering them to give them a pep talk, but it never bloody worked did it?
Also may I say while I’m on the subject that the younger plants have been letting me down. They have refused to grow even though I’ve shoved them in early and watered them excessively in parts of the garden they may not be familiar with. What more can you do?
I used me contacts and got the main groundsman at the club on the case to sort things out. What can I say? The results were unbelievable. The grass was churned up like a farmer’s eld, the large mural of Sam Allardyce was on re and all me pebbles had been lobbed over the neighbour’s fence. I’ll have to knock round Ron’s to get them back now and that will be awkward given what’s gone on.
I should speak frankly at the disappointment of losing me job at Southend. It’s not really meself I’m concerned about, but the dismissal of me backroom sta was a big disappointment. Fortunately, Brian Horton has agreed to be painted silver and reproduced as a water feature at the north end of the garden, while Bob Shaw has been sent out to look for some oversized coy carp