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6-iron helicoptering through the air. I could not handle that stuff at all, and I would just lose it. I'd be a nice guy for 14 or 15 holes and then bam, it was like a switch clicked in my brain and I was Attila the Hun. I lost friends. I was ashamed. I could not fix it.
Then an ex-police chief from California, Tony Giardino, taught me the joys of crack-of-dawn golf. Cool weather, an empty course all to ourselves, and 18 holes in less than 2 1/2 hours. He saved my golfing life. I was no longer a monster, except on very rare occasions when my game was so bad the mood swing switch clicked. Even then I wasn't quite the idiot I'd been before.
After I recovered from the operation and radiation--does it feel like were bouncing around in time?--I worked another couple of years on the cruise ships. But it was like the TV shows. I'd used up all my material and even though I was writing every day I wasn't coming up with new stuff. Also, I'd seen some ship entertainers who'd stayed too long and just weren't good any more. I was feeling that about myself so I retired.
Back when I'd just had the operation I'd asked Glen to give me an honest answer about how long I could expect to live and he'd guessed around ten years. That was seventeen years ago, so I think Thailand has health properties a lot of people haven't discovered. Another thing is that a friend gave me the name of a great oncologist here, Dr. Chaiyut, and I'm convinced he's kept me alive much longer than expected.
So, death. I once wrote a death song because, hey, I like to think outside the box. You don't see a lot of comedians doing death material. So when it comes to dying I still feel the same way, that I've had a wonderful life and have no complaints. On top of that, the last 13 years with Jintana and her family have been like winning the lottery. Now I really, really have no complaints.
My main thought is that I don't want a long, lingering death. I like the eskimo idea of walking out into a blizzard. I think the Thai version of that would be to buy a Ducati, take it up to the mountains and open her up. Without a helmet of course. One tight curve at 90...problem solved.
Jintana and I have talked about death, because in Thailand people can spend a lot of money on a long funeral with chanting that can last for days. I want my funeral to be quick. Chant a little bit and then on to cremation. She's fine with that.
So, death, I laugh at you. You can't hurt me, and if by some outside chance the Christians are right and there's a heaven and hell, I don't think a guy who spent his life in bars and casinos is going to be heading upstairs. That's fine with me, because I know all my idols, the greatest musicians, comedians and authors, will be headed down too. That place will be rocking.