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I'm a Guy, Let's Talk Cars
I know. Guys love things, women love people. So I'll try to include both in this chapter.
When I was a little kid I would hide out in my bedroom and make model cars. None of you will remember this, but back in the Dark Ages we made model cars out of balsa wood. They weren't these plastic things you snap together and say, "Wow, I made a model car!".
No, we had to cut them with Exacto knives and sand them and shape them and I loved that process. I think I also loved sniffing the glue and the paint, which was called Dope. Ah yes, a childhood of sniffing glue and dope. I remember making an MG TD and a Jaguar XKE, both of which I think are among the most beautiful cars ever. I also read car magazines--Motor Trend, Hot Rod, Road and Track--and dreamed of the day when I'd get my license and ride around town in a hot car. The girls would be all over me. Sadly, reality is a bitch.
I learned to drive in my mom's '49 DeSoto fluid drive 6, which was quite possibly the slowest car Detroit ever built. It was a sedan, and kind of brown, and the exact opposite of a chick magnet, which everyone knew was a '57 Chevy. We also had a '48 Cadillac, and I think people thought we were richer than we actually were. My dad was smart when it came to money, and he realized that for the price of a new Ford he could buy a two-year-old Cadillac and get a much better car. I didn't get to drive the Cadillac, except for the senior prom, which was a really big deal. My other big achievement was dating a girl whose dad had a Thunderbird and he let me drive it. Whoa. Excitement.
But mostly I drove the DeSoto and I made jokes about it so people would laugh with me instead of at me. Zero to sixty in five minutes, I would boast, and I wasn't far off. Also, it was my mom's car and she made sure I knew it. It wasn't mine. But, and this is a big but, those big bench seats were perfect for making out at the drive-in movies. I wish I could say I was a sex machine in high school, but