Page 113 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

'Wait a minute,' said Jude. 'You don't mean Mark Darcy, do you? The lawyer?'

'Yes. What - do you know him as well?'

'Well, yes. I mean, we've done some work with him. He's incredibly nice and
attractive. I thought you said the chap at the Turkey Curry Buffet was a real
geek.'

Humph. Bloody Jude.

Saturday 22 April

8st 7, cigarettes, 0, alcohol units 0, calories 1800.

Today is a historic and joyous day. After eighteen years of trying to get down to

8st 7 I have finally achieved it. It is no trick of the scales, but confirmed by
jeans. I am thin.

There is no reliable explanation. I have been to the gym twice in the last week,
but that, though rare, is not freakish. I have eaten normally. It is a miracle. Rang
Tom, who said maybe I have a tapeworm. The way to get rid of it, he said, is to
hold a bowl of warm milk and a pencil in front of my mouth. (Tapeworms love
warm milk, apparently. They love it.) Open my mouth. Then, when the worm's
head appears, wrap it carefully round the pencil.

'Listen,' I told him, 'this tapeworm is staying. I love my new tapeworm. Not