Page 133 - FLL Virtual Binder 2018

X, Y, Z of Words that Work
Use the X,Y,Z technique to approach difficult conversations in a way that will not escalate the tension. It is a way to be assertive in describing behaviours, consequences and feelings without being emotional or sensitive
X = Behaviour Y = Consequence Z = Feelings
Example: “I have a problem. When you say you’ll be here for the meeting at 2:00 and don’t show up until after 3:00 (behaviour), the whole tone of the meeting is ruined (consequence). We begin to rush through the agenda and I am concerned that our objectives are not going to be met (feelings).”
Example: “We want to let you know that we’ve been having a hard time lately with the short notice being given when you need us to work overtime (behaviour). That has resulted in the grumbling and lack of cooperation you’ve mentioned (consequences). This practice has really got a lot of the workers feeling pretty resentful and I’m concerned it’s affecting productivity (feelings).”
Exercise: Use the X.Y.Z technique to explain to someone that you are bothered by his or her racial jokes. ...
“Watch Your Language”
We have the responsibility (response-ability) ie. the ability to choose our response. Specific, action-oriented, positive language inspires cooperation and reduces misunderstanding. Try using the following techniques:
Reframe:
§ Reframe “always “or “never” as “sometimes” § Reframe “can’t” as “won’t”
Avoid:
§ Generalizations like “why’s”, “don’ts” or “somebody should”
Eliminate:
§ “Yes, but”... because it is usually argumentative or just an excuse § “They” because it separates and excludes people
Choose responsibility not blame:
§ Rather than “He makes me so mad”, choose to say, “I become so angry when he...”
Use neutral language
§ Say “I’ve noticed that”, or “My understanding is” or “It’s my perception ”
Front Line Leadership Module: Dealing with Differences
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