Page 17 - ebook 9keys

Feeling Significant – ‘I Count’
We all like to feel that we matter. We count. We make a difference and
children are no different.
Toddlers are self-centred as they are not yet mature enough to differentiate
themselves from others, but if parents respond to their needs and care for
them, they feel secure and safe. They can trust the world. They learn that
they can count on others.
A baby will soon learn that they are important. That they matter. That they
are significant and that they count.
Whereas a baby whose needs are not met may learn that they can’t trust the
world and that the world isn’t a safe place and
they may not be able to move beyond that self- centred experience.
Children who are encouraged & appreciated learn that they count, that they
matter, that they are important and they feel significant and valued for who
they are.

Whereas children who are not made to feel significant look for a way to feel
valued in more destructive ways. Attention seeking, being unkind to siblings,
provoking others and seeking revenge to get their need for significance met.
Teenagers who feel valued become more involved in school or community
activities and are conscious that they make a difference and can affect the
world for the better. They are less likely to break the rules or avoid
responsibility. They behave constructively.

Whereas a teen who doesn’t feel that they count, behaves in more
destructive ways, getting involved in vandalism, gangs or involved with
stealing thinking that what they do doesn’t matter.

A child who believes that they count - feels valued & believes that they can
have a positive impact on the world. Whereas a child who believes that they
don’t matter feels hurt, insignificant and may try
to hurt back, seek revenge or decide that making a negative impact is better
than making no impact at all.