Page 25 - Bereavement Guide Book

Dont’s:

Bring your cell phone - your phone ringing spiritual reaction to loss. It is natural, normal
will be highly inappropriate and will cause and necessary. It may cause a variety of reac-
a disturbance, so turn any ringers or notifi- tions, including:
cations off. Even better, leave your phone at
home or in your car, a funeral is not the time • Feeling tired and irritable. You may
to be texting or checking your messages. experience insomnia or feel tired all the
time
Allow your children to be a distraction - from
a very young age children are aware of death • Appetite changes. You may or may not
and if the funeral is for someone that was feel hungry.
close to them (grandparent, aunt, uncle) they
should be given the option to attend. How- • Feelings of anxiousness. You may feel
ever, if it is not appropriate for your child worried and excited at the same time; like
to be there and if you feel they will cause a your heart is racing and you cannot catch
commotion, leave them with a babysitter. your breath.

Be afraid to remember the good times - fu- • Feelings of emptiness. You may feel
nerals are obviously a time of grieving and hollow inside. It may be hard to concentrate
mourning, but remembering the good times or remember things.
helps with the healing process. Sharing a
funny and appropriate story is acceptable, • Feeling out-of-control. You may feel
and, in some cases exactly what the deceased helpless, angry or frightened. All of these
would have wanted. feelings are normal. Your whole world has
changed. You cannot bring the person back
Overindulge - if food or drink is served, do or change the situation. It is natural to feel
not over do it. Have a bite to eat before you vulnerable. Through information, we gain a
go to the service, you do not want to be that sense of understanding. Through understand-
guy parked at the snack table. If alcohol is ing, we gain a sense of control.
served, limit yourself to one or two, do not
become inebriated and risk doing something Seek out information about grief, everyon
inappropriate. greives differently. Our cultural and religious
experiences, the circumstances of the death
and our relationship with the person who
Understanding Grief died influence our reactions to grief. If some-
one dies after a long illness, there may be a
The death of a loved one, friend or family momentary relief that the pain is over. If a
member often puts us in touch with our own death is a sudden and unexpected, shock and
thoughts and feelings about mortality. All a feeling of numbness may occur. If a young
of a sudden we realize how quickly life can person dies there is a sense that things are
end. It is normal to feel out-of-control and out of order and that life is not the way it is
overwhelmed. Realize you are grieving. supposed to be.

The first step towards regaining a sense of
control is to understand grief. Grief is a phys-
ical, social, emotional, psychological and

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