Page 181 - The Houseguest

DAY FOURTEEN
As I entered the room to check on my detainee, I noticed her face displayed the obvious tracks of recent tears. This neither surprised nor delighted me. However, the words she greeted me with did spark some contemplation: “You are trying to make me as crazy as you. Is this because you need company inside your cloud of insanity? Are you lonely there?”
I hadn’t thought of my current state as lonely. Insane? Yes, I’d considered, and agreed with that analogy. But was I lonely? I filled her water pitcher and left the room. I sat to examine my own thoughts and processes. Was I trying to recruit someone into joining my one-person club of the deviant and depraved? What if she did lose her mind before losing her life? Would that have an effect on the satisfaction I intended to derive out of Ravenge?
When one reaches a particularly negative milestone in life, they often choose to reverse course to avoid inevitable consequences. An example is an alcoholic who seeks treatment through meetings and abstinence. The word drunk is both an adjective and a noun. You can be drunk without being “a” drunk. But what options are there for the insane? We are not in this situation because we drink too much. We simply found ourselves having arrived here via the route our mind chose without our consent. We cannot simply choose to stop a behavior driven by forces beyond our control. We don’t even know where the off switch is located. The hours I spent considering all of this only demonstrated the instability of my mental state. Perhaps I would find some gratification watching someone mentally join me here. I’d always viewed the trip to
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life