Page 38 - The Houseguest

in only that which we can handle. My fantasies accomplished this goal as well.
The second stage: Anger. This supposedly replaces the first stage as denial begins to fade and previously ignored feelings now begin to surface. They dub this the “necessary” stage in the process of healing. This one I knew well. In fact, I can honestly say that I had never felt genuine anger until the universe turned on me that fateful day. Believing I was familiar with the emotion from experience, I quickly learned those instances of “anger” only mocked the definition of true anger with its rage and fury. I’d never been a violent man, yet real anger can drive the gentlest creature to savagery. Real anger is palpable, perceptible, almost tangible. The possessor can feel its power surrounding his body while consuming his soul. When it reaches its highpoint, there is no alternative but to surrender and obey its mighty wrath. The advice grieving experts so liberally bestow is to be willing to feel your anger, yet if they knew what my anger was capable of, that suggestion would be reconsidered and the second stage of grief, revised. I’ve read that what lies beneath anger, is pain. Yet, I could never differentiate my pain from any other emotion. It was first and foremost the underlying cause of everything in the hell that was now my life. Anger is said to be an example of the intensity of the feelings you held for those you’ve lost. That made sense to me because only the intensity of my anger could be the emotional equivalent to the absolute love I once experienced.
The third stage: Bargaining. To me, this stage felt more like guilt. IF I had not planned the weekend at the beach house, IF I had rearranged
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life