Page 39 - The Houseguest

my schedule to pick them up instead of meeting them there, IF we had all stayed home together. It was like a belated negotiation with fate that never changed the outcome.
The next stage of grief: Depression. I never left this stage, never advanced, never progressed, never improved. I couldn’t acknowledge the fact that I was destined to be alone forever, not by choice. I knew with certainty that my heart could never love again, and my trust in humanity had been totaled in the wreckage. I knew with certainty I couldn’t live with the memories. I knew with certainty something had to change and that closure needed to occur, one way or the other.
And last, but not least: Acceptance. This stage is peppered with positive phrases such as: “New Reality.” “New Norm.” “Time for Readjustment.” “Enjoy Life.” The more I learned about what the experts said concerning this final stage of the grieving process, the more offended I became. No, I will never enter into Acceptance. My heart will not reopen and my mind refuses to acknowledge or understand the concept of acceptance. Questioning why I seemed to be so out of the norm, I wondered if most grievers actually follow these steps. Do they learn to eventually accept? Why then, can’t I? Comparing what others suffering similar sorrow had apparently overcome, I documented the emotions and stages my soul experienced as:
Revenge, Abandoned, Crazy, Hollow, Evil, Lonely = R A C H E L
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life