Page 353 - Some Dance to Remember

Some Dance to Remember 323

I knew. I spent time on Castro. I watched what Ryan no longer came
down to see, and I remembered.
Kick had become a gym bum in the Castro zoo.
He rented by the hour.
Ryan knew none of this. He shut it all out. He didn’t want to believe
it of Kick. He never asked questions when he knew the answer; so he saved
face. He kept up appearances. He was more angry at Logan than jealous.
Sharing a lover with a man is one thing. Sharing him with a needle is
another. He was lonesome for Kick. He wanted him back.
And come back Kick did.
Rebounding.
So often that Ryan felt like a basketball backboard.
Each time Ryan met him with open arms.
“I feel like I’m using you,” Kick said.
“If you’re using me,” Ryan said, “you can use me till you use me up.”
“How could this happen to me?” Kick said. “I’m in-love with him, but
it’s not working. We argue. He puts me down. He tells me I’m too short
to win the Mr. California. He’s jealous of my muscle. He says I’ll never
be big enough. He doesn’t understand my kind of muscle the way you do.
I know it won’t last with him. I know it will last with us. I only want to
enjoy him for as long as I can make it good.”
“Are you still flying to Birmingham for Christmas?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You two need time apart.” Ryan ran his hands over Kick’s
huge arms. “I think we need more time together.”
“I hear what you’re saying,” Kick said. “I know you’ll understand.”
“I understand anything.”
“Then you’ll understand how much I want to go back up to Bar Nada
to see him one more time before I leave.”
You fuck! Ryan was speechless.
“You’ve been a good sport,” Kick said, “for so long.”
Kick played Ryan like a tuning fork. He hit upon the identical psy-
chology that Ryan’s parents had used to raise him as an obedient son.
“Kenny Baker,” Annie Laurie had mentioned in her gentle offhand way,
“stayed out past midnight.” Ryan had learned early on that she meant that
he, as well as Kenny, should not stay out past midnight. She never ordered
his obedience directly.
Charley-Pop, in more ways than one, was exactly like Kick. They both
shared the quiet jock heart that Ryan worshiped. But Kick was a trickster.
Once he learned how to play and exploit these indirect ways of reaching

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